Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Insomnia Has No Rhymes

I have occasional bouts of insomnia. Last night was around an 8 out of a possible 10, so I had plenty of time to stare at the ceiling and wonder what it would be like to actually sleep.

Out of curiousity (or boredom, hard to tell) I kept a more-or-less accurate list of the things that went through my head. Here they are:

1:14 AM
My cat is either the dumbest creature in the world or the smartest. She will sit just out of reach and then want attention, forcing me to reach for her. She then darts away and does it again 10 minutes later. She’s either so dumb that she hasn’t yet figured out that I need to touch her to pet her or she’s running some sort of Pavlovian experiment to see just how much she can get away with. Either way, it’s been going on for 14 years now.

1:55 AM
To my knowledge, no movie has ever dealt with Godzilla pooping. Obviously, he must eat something, therefore he must also poop. It’s a mystery.

2:21 AM
I think I dozed off for a second. My cat chose that moment to jump on my chest.

2:51 AM
My neighbor has a diesel tow truck. He often arises in the middle of the night and drives away. Mayhap he is a super-hero with tow truck related powers. “My tow truck sense is tingling! There’s a car, a 1988 Honda Civic, and it’s stalled! To the tow truck!!!!”

3:07 AM
Insomnia sucks. Nothing rhymes with it. I think Steven King wrote a novel called Insomnia. Granted, he probably just picks up a dictionary, finds a word at random, and then writes something scary around that word. If I did that, I’d end up with a novel called ‘Isthmian’ about a haunted isthmus.

3:30 AM
I have an uninteresting ceiling.

3:36 AM
My ceiling is still uninteresting.

3:38 AM
I grow tired of looking at my ceiling.

3:40 AM
My ceiling is mocking me with its flat whiteness.

4:08 AM
I don’t actually know what an ‘isthmus’ is. I should look that up.

4:28 AM
I count the bars on the individual numbers on my digital clock. 1 has two bars. 2 has five. Interestingly enough, 4, 5, and 6 have the same number bars as the number they represent. This is an amazing revelation at 4:30 in the morning.

4:43 AM
I wonder if King Kong flings his poo? If he does, Skull Island would be really nasty. Why the hell is it called Skull Island? Oh yeah, there’s a giant mountain shaped like a skull. That makes sense and it sounds better than Clavicle Island. I wonder if it has an isthmus?

4:51 AM
I moved and now my cat wants attention. My Rogue just hit 60 and I need to go to Outlands and start working on my Skinning and Leatherworking. This is vitally important for reasons I cannot articulate.

5:00 AM – 7:00-ish
I think I was actually asleep. I’m honestly not sure. I was either awake and wondering if I was asleep or asleep and dreaming I was awake and wondering if I was asleep. I think I was mostly awake, as nothing was obviously melting and my cat wasn’t speaking French.

7:18 AM
‘Rutabaga’ would be a great name for a Steven King novel.

7:30 AM
I’m trying to remember what the colors in the Olympic rings are. I’m pretty sure there’s a black and a yellow, but I can’t remember the others. This seems really important for some reason.

7:30 AM to 9:15 AM-ish
I think I was honestly asleep here, as I don’t remember looking at the clock.

9:30 AM
Time to get up and get busy. If I’m lucky, I won’t nod off at the computer. Mothra is a funny name. I wonder if the tiny twins that accompany it sing when it poops.

Cheers,
-Jason

3 comments:

Kez said...

That was possibly one of the funniest posts I have ever read. And I in no way mock your insomnia. I just wish mine was as enlightening as yours.

Amraphael said...

Beeing unwillingly awake isn't fun at all. But this was a very fun post :))

Your insomnina is more entertaining than mine: "Must sleep, work tomorrow"

Jason Janicki said...

Well, at least the insomia is good for something :)