Monday, January 7, 2008

Microsoft Coat 2010: Part 1

I was watching a science show on robotics the other day and one of the predictions made was that someday, little tiny microchips would be sewn directly into your clothing. The advantages to this would be that the chips could automatically regulate heat, report if the wearer’s vitals have dropped below a certain point and so forth. However, knowing the way things generally go, I envision the following scenarios:

“Good evening, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“No, sir.”

The traffic cop adjusted his gloves. “Well, sir, you were driving somewhat erratically. Have you been drinking?”

The driver shook his head. “No, not tonight.”

“He’s lying!” shrieked the driver’s sportcoat.

“Shut up!” hissed the driver.

“It’s true,” said the driver’s pants. “All night long. Glug, glug, glug. He’s like a fish!”

“Sir, your clothing seems to disagree.”

The driver held up his hands. “No, they’re lying! I haven’t had anything to drink at all! I swear! My pants are just mad because I wouldn’t buy that belt!”

“Oh, man,” said the pants. “That belt was sweet.”

“She totally wanted you,” affirmed the sportscoat.

The officer raised an eyebrow. “If you haven’t been drinking, sir, then why were you all over the road?”

“My jacked keeps pulling at my arms. It wants the new Microsoft Coat 2010.”

“Please get out of the car, sir.”

The driver fumbled with his seatbelt. “Really, I haven’t been drinking at all.”

“Sir, you do realize that your clothing can testify against you in a court of law?”

Tomorrow: Part 2

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