All Things Venomous Part 3

Africa also has the Black Mamba. Do not snicker. The Black Mamba is eight feet long (approx. 70,000.3 meters), dusty brown snake with amazingly potent venom. It is also the fastest snake in the world (12.5 mph, 40 mph if it has to go to the bathroom). It gets its name from the inside of its mouth, which is all black. Mambas are notoriously aggressive, sort of like the snake version of cell phone salesman.

Imagine you are walking through the scrubland (mall), minding your own business, perhaps checking out the gazelles (window shopping), when you inadvertently stray into Mamba (Cell Phone Salesman) territory. You freeze, hoping the cold-blooded predator has not noticed you (the salesman, though the snake also counts), but it is too late. The salesman lunges, shouting something about comparative rates. Your only hope is to grab the person next to you and throw them at the salesman, hoping to distract him, and then run.

In an ideal world, you would distract the salesman with an actual Black Mamba. The salesman would die from the snake venom, but the Mamba would end up with exorbitant cell phone rates. I do not know which is worse.

Up next, India!