A Relaxing Nap

So, I got up this morning as usual. ‘Get up’ though, is sort of a misnomer. I dragged myself out of bed, using language that actually caused smoke to rise from the carpet. I threw on some sweats, jumped on my exercise bike, did 20-minutes, ate breakfast, and then hopped in the shower.

I was going about my business applying soap to various bits and at some point, I’m pretty sure I fell asleep. Now, I’m not 100% on this, but I did spend almost twenty-minutes in there, so I either took the slowest shower in my entire life (personal best: 1 minutes, 39 seconds) or ninjas snuck into my house and reset the clocks (and my watch, and the clocks at work, including on my computer which is password protected).

It was just kind of odd. I honestly didn’t think you could do that. Now, I love a good hot shower as much as the next guy, maybe more so than most, but falling asleep standing up in a tub with hot water hitting you seems like a stretch.

Now I’m wondering at what other times I’ve fallen asleep and not realized it. I know I did it in high school (a lot) and I have no actual recollections of church, though my mother made me go for a number of years. Come to think of it, ’84 is kind of a blur, as is ’95-’99.

Upon reflection, what did I blog about last week?

Cheers,
-Jason

Where the Wild Things Are

I didn't even know they were making a movie when this came across my desk. I admit that WWTA wasn't a big book for me as a kid. I don't know why, as it should have been right up my alley. Maybe I just didn't read it at the right time.

However, the trailer is just two minutes of joy:


Roooar!
-Jason

Telltale Games

Telltale Games, if you didn't know, are the makers of the award-winning Sam and Max games, as well as Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People and the new Wallace and Grommit's Grand Adventures. They are not only magnificent people, but generous as well, as they sent me a free copy of the above-mentioned new Wallace and Grommit title. I plan on playing it this weekend and giving a full report next week.

In other news, Emerald City Comic Con is a week from Saturday. Yes, your best chance to meet Leigh and myself, both fully clothed and bathed, is coming up soon. We would be delighted to talk to you and your friends/children/pets/in-laws/stalkers/childhood sweehearts/elementary school teachers, so bring them along.

Look for a new episode of Art the Wanderer on Monday and the usual silliness the rest of the week.

Cheers,
-Jason

Never #2

Please be warned, I’m going to talk about poop in this blog. So if you’re easily offended (which begs the question of why you’re reading my blog in the first place) by the word ‘poop’ or its various other forms, such as ‘pooping’ or ‘pooped,’ read no further.

NOTE: I will probably not use the words ‘pooper,’ ‘poop-tastic’ or ‘poop-itations.’ No, I don’t actually know what that means.

Anyway, last weekend we had a small get-together to celebrate a friend’s birthday. During said celebration, the subject of sleep came up, followed by dreams, followed by dreaming you have to pee, but can’t find a bathroom.

We all agreed that this stank, especially in the rare occasions when you actually do successfully ‘go,’ but then just have to go some more. Even worse is when you have to go while being chased by zombies with cameras. Then again, that might be just me.

All of us have had this experience, but it occurred to me that I had never had a dream were I had to poop really badly and woke up needing to poop. No one else in the room had either.

Why is that? Are we just hard wired to not poop in our sleep? And while we’re on the subject, can you sneeze when you’re asleep? If you’re a sleep-walker, can you sleep-walk to the bathroom and pee and/or poop while you’re asleep? If you sneeze when you’re sleep-walking, can you wake yourself up by sneezing? Can you sneeze so hard that you poop yourself?

I don’t know, I just think this is interesting (I was going to say ‘fascinating,’ but I don’t want to use ‘fascinate’ and ‘poop’ in the same context). The human body is a weird, wonderful vessel. It is both amazingly tough and surprisingly vulnerable. It is an adaptable, flexible machine with some truly astounding abilities and features.

And then there’s ear-hair, which kind of throws things for a loop.

Cheers,
-Jason

Mint Shield

Strangely enough, this is not the name of a magic item in WoW. It’s the flavor of my mouthwash. I recently ran out of mouthwash and bought a new Economy size bottle. I had just used the ‘green’ one, so I figured I’d branch out and try the ‘purple.’

NOTE: I buy the Economy size because it lasts me about a year. The downside is that a year is a long time if you discover you hate the flavor you chose. Curse you, blue swill!

Unfortunately, it was not grape-flavored. The makers apparently did not learn that ‘purple’ equals ‘grape flavor’ as children. Red is cherry, orange is orange, blue is something (I can’t remember), green is apple, and brown is dirt. I never did figure out what the black one was supposed to taste like.

Anyhow, I cracked open my new bottle of mouthwash last Sunday and gave it a try. It was yet another variation on mint. Why ‘mint’ equals ‘clean’ I’ll never know. I looked at the actual flavor and was surprised to learn that it was called Mint Shield.

And then, in yet another flash of inspiration, I had it. Gamer-oriented flavors. If Mountain Dew can market Game Fuel, why can’t mouthwash get a similar treatment? Or toothpaste? Or Girl Scout cookies? Or Motor Oil? Or grocery bags? Or those small rubber rings that you stick inside pipes so that the water doesn’t leak?

It’s easy! If it’s Mint Shield, call it +3 Shield of Mint! Would you rather brush with Regular Paste or Paste of the Titans? A ball cap becomes a Hat of Solar Protection. This can apply to any product! Boxers (as in underwear) become Shorts of Ventilation or Godly Shorts of the Whale.

As usual, if you’re a marketing executive, give me a call. I have a million of them.

Cheers,
-Jason

Astroboy!

First, a bit of news:

The blog has been getting spammed hard by anonymous porn posts lately, so we reluctantly banned posting from anonymous sources. If you're anonymous and want to post a comment, please register and log in.

Really, please do! I enjoy all the comments I get! They make me feel all warm and fuzzy, like I do after I eat a giant burrito with extra jalapenos.

So, onto Video Tuesday!

This was sent to be my a buddy who's a real movie buff. I've never actually seen Astroboy, but this looks good, clean fun. Oh sure, I enjoy explosions, gunplay and bazookas that fire chainsaws as much as the next guy, but sometimes, you just want something . . . nice.



Enjoy the new page and look for a new blog tomorrow!

Cheers,
-Jason

Friday!

Yes, the weekend is almost upon us.

I would like to remind everyone that Emerald City Comic Con is in two-weeks, followed quickly by Stumptown. Leigh will be happy to do quick sketches and will do full drawings for a nominal fee. I will once again be offering free sentences.

I even made a sign. It looks kinda like this:

Sentence: Free
Paragraph: $1
Novel: $20K

The way I figure it, I only really need to sell one novel.

Look for two new pages of Art the Wanderer on Monday, a new page on Tuesday, and the usual blogs the rest of the week.

Cheers,
-Jason