Were-Nerd: Part 3

Were-Superhero
On the surface, this doesn’t seem too bad. You suddenly develop super powers, fly around, fight evil-doers, and hang out with super-heroines in amazingly tight outfits. And then it ends. You get to go back to your regular life, which admittedly, might be pretty nice. The bad part, though, is that the evil-doers just might figure out who you are. You may be Zorro with a stapler, but that won’t stop someone who calls himself ‘The Testiculator.’

Were-Opposing Political Party
You’re a staunch Republican. A banker or executive. You wear suits even when you don’t have to. Yet, once a month, you wake up behind a vegetarian restaurant in a tie-dyed shirt with a placard protesting off-shore drilling. If you’re a Democrat, reverse what I just wrote. Considering how often the far-right and far left verbally abuse each other, a bite here and there is not out of the question.

Were-Clown
If you occasionally wake up in a rainbow-colored wig and a large red nose, you might be a were-clown. You will be driven to seek out children’s parties and attempt to twist balloons into amusing animal shapes. You will try magic tricks, cream-pies, and oversize shoes in an attempt to get somebody, anybody to laugh. Unfortunately, coulrophobia (the fear of clowns) is rather common, so expect a lot of screaming.

Were-Bad Skateboarder
Once a month, you have an inexplicable urge to skateboard, knowing full well that you stink at it. You end up doing something shown below and accruing a hefty hospital fee.



Were-Nerd
When the full-moon appears on the horizon, you won’t know it, as you’ll be too busy leveling your main in WoW, playing the latest JRPG, or figuring out which Prestige Class to take with your wizard. On the plus side, if you have kids, you’ll actually be able to understand what they’re talking about. On the other hand, you still won’t be able to get a date.

Cheers,
-Jason


Were-Nerd
When the full-moon appears on the horizon, you won’t know it, as you’ll be too busy leveling your main in WoW, playing the latest JRPG, or figuring out which Prestige Class to take with your wizard. On the plus side, if you have kids, you’ll actually be able to understand what they’re talking about. On the other hand, you still won’t be able to get a date.

Cheers,
-Jason

Were-Nerd: Part 2

There is probably a lot of wish-fulfillment going on as well. Those who feel powerless might like to imagine that deep down, they’re a rampaging mountain of muscle and primal fury (or a Jedi)(or better yet, a were-Jedi). Dave in accounting might not be so dismissive if he knew what lurked beneath that meek, pasty façade.

At any rate, nobody ever turns into a wimpy or weak creature. Frankly, if there were werewolves, werebears, and werelinebackers running around, it would be equally likely that there would be just as many inoffensive were-creatures as well.

So, in that spirit, here’s my list of the top eight worst were creatures to be bitten by:

Were-Meerkat
You dig holes, watch the countryside, and occasionally are attacked by something bigger (ie, most everything). Very, very few advantages for this were creature. On the plus side, they’re kinda cute, so you’re less likely to automatically get beaten to death with a shovel if you’re discovered.

Were-Goldfish
This does beg the question as to how one would be bitten by a goldfish, but we are talking about were-critters here. If you change on dry-land, you’re pretty much boned. If you change in water, you’re also pretty boned, as something larger will try and eat you. You’re best hope is to be scooped up by a ten-year-old and be put in a bowl, though the change back will be interesting at best.

Were-Octogenarian
Once a month, you get very, very old and can’t remember where you left the remote, much less how to use it. Modern culture varies between being confusing and frightening and the music sounds like yelling. On the plus side, you get to eat cheap and get into the movies at a reduced price.

Tomorrow: The Conclusion

Were-Nerd: Part 1

You know the scene: There’s a full moon and a buxom young woman in an inexplicably tight dress is running along the moors. She stops, panting, hand on a tree trunk, and looks behind her. A howl is heard in the distance and she shrieks, before taking off again.

And then, for no readily apparent reason, her clothes fall off.

Quick: What’s chasing her?
a) A chicken with a cold and a bad leg
b) No one, she’s just out for a jog and couldn’t find her sweats
c) A werewolf
d) All of the above

The answer is of course: d.

No, wait, c. The answer is definitely c (though a and b are not unreasonable).

This seems to be pretty standard fare. Man turns into werewolf, man eats people, man chases girlfriend/random female, man is eventually captured, rehabilitated and sold as a pet.

NOTE: Not many movies with female werewolves out there. Wolfen, way back in ’81. That terrible one with Christina Ricci (Cursed), and Ginger Snaps I and II (which rock). There was also Cat People with Nastassja Kinski, which obviously had cats. Can’t think of any others. In Underworld, you never see a single female werewolf (though there are tons of female vampires).

At any rate, my point (and I have one) is that were-critters are always big, strong, vicious beasts. Psychologists would probably say that were-things are representative of the innate savagery and suppressed animal urges of the modern human. Regardless, it’s probably not because girls dig guys with hairy backs.

Tomorrow: Were-Nerd: Part 2

Klingon Nightschool

This was sent to my by my good friend Beth, who is our resident queen of sci-fi.

It's apparently been around for a while, but still quite funny.



Frankly, the teacher should have beaten up the student that was cheating. That's what a real Klingon would have done!

Cheers,
-Jason

That Time of Year

As I've mentioned before, con season is starting up again. We'll be at the Emerald City Comicon and Stump Town Comic Con in April. We will let you know as other cons are lined up throughout the year.

Other than that, things are pretty busy here at Single Edge Studios. We're working hard on Issue #6 and looking forward to releasing our first Trade Paperback of all our issues so far.

Look for a new page on Tuesday and the usual blogging sillyness (hint: were-creatures).

Cheers,
-Jason

Inevitables

So, while in the bathroom today, I had the greatest idea ever. Granted, it was not necessary for me to inform of where I was when I had the idea, but I was being honest. I could have lied and said ‘while saving a busload of orphans from an anaconda, I had the greatest idea ever.’ True, you probably wouldn’t have believed me. You probably would have if I’d started it with ‘just after being shot down by the hot teller at the supermarket etc.’ That just means I tell you people too much, though.

Where was I? Oh, yes. The greatest idea ever. Here it is: create a business that is both a mortuary and an accounting firm. Not impressed? Here’s the kicker, call it ‘Death and Taxes.’

Ah, the sound of eyes rolling. The even better part? The slogan: ‘The two things you can’t avoid – in one!’

This is just too perfect for words. Some people may say starting a business on a pun might not be wise, but when have I ever let common sense hold me back?

Yes, it was a long day at work.

Cheers,
-Jason

Yeti Fashion

Whilst on the way to work the other morning, I was listening to the radio and the DJ was talking about the new trend among the fashion conscious. Apparently, thick eyebrows are now the look. The DJ went on to list a few celebrities that were sporting the new fasion, but I was too stunned to pay attention.

I was stunned, because inadvertently, I had become fashionable.

You see, I have the eyebrows of a yeti. A hairy yeti at that. A yet who, as a child, other yeti would make fun of for being hairy. A yeti who’s electrologist aunt would go into fits whenever she saw him. A yeti, who upon being spotted by explorers would hear ‘My god, is that a yeti? Impossible, it’s too hairy!’

NOTE: Electrolysis is the process wherein hair is removed by summoning the ‘follicle spirit’ and then defeating it in hand-to-hand combat, not unlike a more violent exorcism. If the electrologist is successful, the follicle demon is destroyed and the hair withers and dies. If unsuccessful, the patient gets renewed hair growth in their ears.

NOTE: The preceding note is completely untrue (though I would be willing to bet that my aunt could kick the snot out of a follicle demon).

So, for perhaps the first time in my life, I could claim to be ‘in.’ It was strange. I wondered what to do with my newfound powers of fashion. I could end world hunger. Fix the economy. Or even, dare I say it, get a date.

Regardless, you have my solemn promise that I will only use my eyebrows for good. I will uphold the Constitution of these United States to the best of my ability. Truth, justice, and eyebrows for all.

Unless, of course, women go for evil. In which case, you’re doomed.

Cheers,
-Jason