Hand™ and Butt

Let’s get things started quickly: I have a cold and I pulled a muscle in my butt.

I’m not sure where I got the cold from. I think it might have been at Emerald City Comicon, as I shook hands with roughly fifty-thousand people, give or take the odd-ten thousand. In the words of Jerry Lee Lewis, there was a whole lotta shakin’ going on.

NOTE: For my younger readers, Jerry Lee Lewis is a rock-n-roll legend. He has a number of classic rock hits, including ‘A Whole Lotta Shakin’ Going On’ and ‘Great Balls of Fire.’ He also invented the spear gun and a method of extracting yeast from moldy newspapers.

This is not the first time I’ve gotten sick after a con and I’ve come up with a solution. I call it The Hand™. It’s basically a mannequin hand and forearm with an internal anti-bacterial dispenser. When someone wants to shake your hand, you instead extend The Hand™ and shake with that. Sensors detect the shake and a few seconds after the Hand™ is released, The Hand™ sprays itself with the anti-bacterial, guaranteeing a fresh, clean Hand™ for the next shake.

And, if someone happens to offend you, you can use the companion product: The Finger™.

I am, however, pretty sure how I pulled the muscle in my butt.

I stood up.

Yeah, I somehow messed up a procedure that I’ve done probably a million times since I learned to walk. I wasn’t fighting ninjas, ripping cabinet doors off, or even saving a bus-load of orphans and nuns from a fiery death after they hit a giant robotic goose sent from the future to warn us about the penguins.

So, yeah. Sore nose, sore butt, same imagination.

But I still think The Hand™ is a great idea.

Have a good and safe weekend.

Cheers,
-Jason