Wednesday, June 30, 2010

6 Days . . .

Leigh and I took another car trip the other week. It was completely uneventful, as we had my handy, dandy GPS to guide us on our way. Oh, the GPS has given up on convincing me to kill Leigh. Now it just mopes and tries to get us to drive into oncoming traffic. Luckily, we’re smarter than that. Not by much, but we are.

Anyhow, Leigh made a joke about ‘second exit on the right and straight on ‘till morning.’ This, of course, is the very famous line from Peter Pan about how to get to Never-Never Land. Oddly enough, it also works for a strip club I went to once, but I digress.

The actual line is ‘second star to the right and straight on till morning,’ which, if you think about it, are terrible directions. Leigh and I would never make it to Never-Never Land, as we’d spend at least three hours trying to figure out which star was on the right and therefore, which start was the second from right. Arguments would ensue. Blood would be spilled. Tears would be shed. Sweat would . . . drip, I suppose.

And don’t even get me started on ‘straight on till morning.’ Leigh and I once had a fifteen minute discussion about whether or not ‘veer right’ meant we were supposed to turn right, follow the road to the right, keep right, or if it actually meant that Vir Cotto was in fact, always right. So you can see how ‘straight on till morning’ would be confusing for us. Straight on could mean anything. And when’s morning? Is that when the sun comes up? 1 second after midnight? Frankly, we’re lucky if we can locate our homes at the end of the day, much less navigate to Never-Never Land.

NOTE: Vir Cotto was a character in Babylon 5. It was a stretch, I know.

Now, I realize these directions are metaphorical and not literal. They’re a doorway into the imagination of a child. However, take it from someone with not only the imagination of a child, but also the intellect: these directions would be tough even for the most nonsensical of children.

As a test, I tried giving these directions to my buddy Sean’s four-year-old son, James. “Okay, James,” I said. “If you follow the second star on the right and go straight on ‘till morning, you’ll get candy!”

James just looked at me, obviously confused, and then he hit me with a Nerf sword. So, point proven. The directions don’t work.

The lad’s got promise though. I wonder if there’s Nerf makes a flail?



Talmerith said...

Vir Cotto IS always right ;p

Toil3T said...

I'm involved in a stage production of Peter Pan. "Second star to the right" is pretty vague, but that's when Peter is explaining where Neverland is to Wendy, so it'd be from his perspective as they look out the window. Maybe it's second star on the right from the North Star, or perhaps the moon? "Straight on 'til morning" means (to me, at least) aim at that star and hold that course until dawn. I assume there's some magic that happens then to open some kind of portal into Neverland come sunrise.

Anonymous said...

6 days, and here I am sitting on my hands (metaphorically) trying not to chew on my nails (metaphorically) and being tormented by anticipation (not metaphorically at all). Ahhh...

Jason Janicki said...

Absolutely, Talmerith :)

Interesting points, Toil3T. What's your role in the stage production?

Soon, voidhamlet, soon . . . :)

Anonymous said...

BTW, NERF does make a BattleAxe and a Mace"ish" thing, more like a Morningstar. I boght my son all of them, and for good measure; i bought myself a set too. That really annoyed my wife, that was just i bonus i guess. Enjoy your NERF wars!

Toil3T said...

I'm in cast. No main parts. I'm a Native American for most of it.

Jason Janicki said...

Ooooh, a battle axe and a flail? I think I'm headin' to Toys R Us next lunch . . . :)

Use a Nerf battle axe or flail to take out one of the main cast members, Toil3t! Seize the part you want!!! :)