Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Attendees Will Be Shot

During our time at Comic-Con, a daily ritual arose. We began to refer to it as 'the morning threat.'

Basically, there were a stock set of announcements the staff would make each morning. Among the announcements were gems like 'Exhibitors, please keep the aisles clear' and 'Please do not run in the aisles.' They were almost always delivered by a very calm, almost expressionless male voice. These announcements were obviously for our benefit, but the straight forward manner they were delivered in was kinda fun.

Pretty quickly, the group of us in my immediate area began to make up our own announcements. It began with adding 'or you will be shot' to everything and quickly evolved into making up our own announcements.

NOTE: I should actually compliment the people that did the announcements. They were very professional about the whole thing. If I had been allowed anywhere near the microphone, I would have promptly threatened to have people executed.

So, it occurred to me that I should share with you all some of the gems that came out of Row L in the Small Press area. For best effect, say them evenly, with as little emotion as possible (and enunciate, dammit!).

1. All Exhibitor children are required to be chained to their parent’s booths at all times. Unattended children will be harvested for their organs.
2. C'thulhu fhtagn!
3. Oh god. The pain. The pain (delivered as flatly as possible).
4. Attendees please do not touch the Exhibitors. You don’t know where they’ve been.
5. Open the Exhibit hall doors, Hal.
6. What is this thing you humans call deodorant?
7. Attention in the Exhibit Hall. A quarter was dropped in Artist’s Alley. If found, please give it to the nearest staff member. Thank you.
8. Attention to the Exhibitor in Booth 318. Those shorts do not go with that shirt. Thank you.
9. Humus.
10. The cake is a lie. The pie is real. Do not inquire about the flan.



pixie_bit said...

The current Terror Alert Level has been upgraded to Plaid.

TX_Val said...

Listen to your inner Bovine, Give into the MOO!

Though I really like
10. The cake is a lie. The pie is real. Do not inquire about the flan.

For some reason.


Darren said...

"We are looking for a volunteer to purchase refreshments for all the exhibitors. If we have no volunteer we will select one at random, with random being the one closest to us in 15 seconds."

Jason Janicki said...

Plaid? Is that higher or lower than Paisley?

For some reason? You're just weird, TX_Val :)

Well, that would be one way to get a bunch of nerds to move REALLY fast :)

Gillsing said...

Plaid is apparently the colour of the tanks that will roll over the world when our Future Dark Overlord finally takes over.

"All hail Pope Siglericus XXX!"

TX_Val said...

I may be a little off, but it's probably because I grew up reading weird stuff other people put together.

Like Graphic Novels about erotic blue breasted bird - Goat women with hairy legs and manicured hooves that make me want to run around the yard with feathers sticking out of my ears yelling BAAAAH baby...
come to tweety.. .

Seriously...You're shaping our youth.... hell maybe we should have you guys shut down...

OH, Anyone else remember the movie 'heavy metal'

TX_Val said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TX_Val said...

I blame people like Jim Henson.
A wonderfully talented man, but his stuff is very messed up. I just dusted off some old classics like labyrinth the other day to show my little girl.

Extremely creative man, but tell me there isn't something wrong in your head, to come up with such wonderful fantasy. :)

*pokes the jason*

So, in my closing statement I present to the goofs of the net, that it should be Obvious that in fact Jason (and Leigh) are the weird ones. I'm just a poor victim.

*faints for dramatic effect*

Jason Janicki said...

I think the tanks should be pink with happy faces on them. Just to be different.

I love Labyrinth. I had a major crush on Jennifer Connelly when I was a lad from that movie. And by 'had' I mean 'still do.'

I do remember Heavy Metal. My parents wouldn't let me see it when it came out (I was in Elementary school, so that was a good parenting choice on their part). I later faked being sick one because it was on cable during the day and I desperately wanted to see it. Speaking of which, I need to pick up the DVD . . .

Heavy Metal: FAKK 2 was pretty awful, by the way.

C'mon, TX_Val, take pride in being weird! I do!