Tuesday, August 17, 2010

LOKI!!!

You may not be aware of this, but the Pacific Northwest is undergoing a terrible heat wave. Stores are sold out of fans and air conditioners. Ice cream shops are running out of product. Participation in wet t-shirt contests has quintupled, simply for the opportunity to get splashed with cold water.

In fact, last weekend it almost reached 90 degrees Fahrenheit, which is something like 4(!*x(spoon)) in Celsius.

NOTE: Yes, I could have looked up the actual conversion. Yes, I am that lazy.

In the past, I’ve blamed these heat waves on Canadians, penguins, and a variety of starch-based foodstuffs, but I’ve discovered the true culprit: the Norse God of Mischief, Loki.

You see, Loki is using his nefarious powers to subtly alter the delicate geothermal balance between the tectonic plates via pinpoint manipulation of solar flares, which are caused by an inordinate consumption of beans and other legumes by our sun, therefore minutely . . . ummm . . . discombobulating something science-y or . . . yeah.

Fine. You got me. I pretty much decided to just blame Loki for everything. I was at work the other day and after yet another computer crash, I shook my fist in the air and shouted (albeit quietly) “Damn you, Loki!”

It felt good.

So the next time something went wrong, I did it again. “Curse you, Loki! Spawn of F├írbauti and Laufey!” I exclaimed, after dropping my notebook. I felt better, though I did scare the crap out of most of coworkers, seeing as we were in a company meeting when I did it.

Despite a short, pretty much one-sided conversation with my boss, wherein it was suggested that I not do that anymore, I have not given up cursing Loki. In fact, I made a small sign that says ‘Damn you, Loki!!!!’ just for those occasions when a more exuberant display would be frowned upon, such as weddings.

Now, I realize that Loki is probably not actively working to make my life difficult. It’s just that ‘Loki’ is such a shoutable name, second only to ‘Khan!’ for the sheer exuberance you can put into it. And, honestly, it’s rather nice to have someone to blame for all of life’s petty annoyances. So, the next time your computer goes down, your car won’t start, or a giant, ravenous wolf tries to eat the sun, just shout ‘LOKI!’ and you’ll feel much better.

Cheers,
-Jason

9 comments:

Toil3T said...

*Looks up equation, does conversion)*

That's about 32 C. That's average for summer here. It has been known to go over 110 F (43 C).

On the other hand, I've seen real snow once.

It's probably a bad idea to blame Loki. He probably holds a grudge. A big one.

Gillsing said...

Nah, Loki's a friendly chap who's always willing to help out with various interesting capers:

http://tmkcomic.depleti.com/

Silver said...

Blaming him for the heat sort of makes perfect sense, what with him being the god of fire as well...

He's rather nice to blame for stuff, I agree. Lately I've prefer khan though, the title, rather than the name, it's convenient when being invaded by mongols that I can reuse it like that.

Alexander, the Chalybs Levitas said...

Loki isn't really in a position to do much, though, being chained to a rock with venom dripping in his eyes. If you're feeling especially petty, though, I hear that knocking on wood knocks some of the venom from his wife's bowl and into his eyes.

nompel

Jason Janicki said...

You've only seen real snow once, Toil3T? Where do you live?

Cool, Gillsing, I'll have to check the comic out.

True, 'Khan' does have a very slight edge in reusability, but it also attracts Trekkies :)

I've never heard that about knocking on wood, Alexander. Wikipedia (which is all knowing), has an interesting list of different versions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knocking_on_wood)

Anonymous said...

wow....90....I'd be more impressed, but last week Kansas was experiencing temperatures around 100 degrees Fahrenheit, with heat index more like 110...

Anonymous said...

Australia. It snows in some places, just not right here (it's a big country). Frost is common enough in winter, though.

Toil3T said...

Whoops, that last comment was mine.

Jason Janicki said...

It was a slightly sarcastic comment, anon. Around here, the high 70s are considered hot. I used to live in Fresno, California, where it got to 110 regularly. People always say 'but it's a dry heat,' which to me, is like saying 'and then only one of the snakes bit me.' :)

Cool, Toil3T! I've always wanted to visit Australia. Do you guys have any big comic conventions?:)