Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Assassinate Your Cavities: Part 1

I just had the best idea ever. Even better than the last one ‘best’ one about constructing humungous diapers to put on giant monsters. Admittedly, I still don’t know how you’d get Godzilla to stand still long enough.

Like I said, this one is better, which would make it ‘bester.’ ‘Besterest?’ ‘Gibesterest?’

I’ll stop now.

Quick! What are the two most terrifying things on the face of the planet?

No, not clowns, though that’s a good guess.

I’ll give you a hint: the first one sneaks into your bedroom at night with malicious intent. That’s right: chickens. They wait for you to fall asleep, and then creep in on clawed feet, nothing but hatred in their tiny, tiny brains. They climb onto your bed, nestle down, and they prepare to lay an egg of doom upon you!

Whoops, sorry. The correct answer is ‘ninjas.’ Ninjas sneak into your bedroom, turn off your alarm, put knots in your shoelaces, and rearrange your underwear drawer. That way, you get up late, you can’t find a clean pair of underwear, and then have to spend precious seconds sorting your laces out. Oh, and they murder you, which kinda makes the previous points moot. So yeah, ninjas are the first most terrifying thing in the world.

The second is: chi- No, nope. Not going to go there again. The answer is: dentists.

Everyone fears the dentist.

NOTE: I apologize to any dentists who might be reading this. I know you perform a valuable service and that oral hygiene is a vital part of staying a healthy, productive member of society. It’s just all the, y’know, PAIN.

Now I shan’t bore you with all the reasons everyone fears the dentist, which are numerous and well documented. What you really want to know is: why am I telling you all this?

Simple. What if we combined the two?

Tomorrow: Part 2


Anonymous said...

you mean sorta like Dr. McNinja?

"gunner" said...

fear the ninja dentist

Anonymous said...

I can see it now. Throwing star mouth props,knock that tooth out with the nunch, going for that impacted wisdom tooth now...

Silver said...

I've never understood the fear of dentists. I find them quite nice. My latest dentist is really cute too.

Captain Hesperus said...

I don't know what disturbs me more.

That Jason keeps his clean and dirty underwear in the same drawer.

Or that I am the first person to actually comment on this disturbing revelation.....

Ed said...

Personally, I find that good diet, good dental hygiene, and good genes makes going to the dentist nothing to be worried about. Brush your teeth after every meal, floss before bed, get sufficient calcium and vitamin D, and have the right parents, and the worst that could happen at the dentist is...

dentist fakes an indication of a cavity utilizing a sufficiently sophisticated method to fool you, then ODs you on Novocaine, and you die quietly. Sigh, ok, the bad can be pretty bad still.

So, new plan: good dental hygiene, good diet, good genes, and a good dentist. Preferably one with a really cute hygienist - although a really cute dentist could work, too. (But I find, one spends more time with the hygienist. My dentist rarely spends more than two minutes on me. Not that I'm complaining, because he's not cute, and really not my type.)

Jason Janicki said...

From what I understand, Dr. McNinja is a general practitioner, not a dentist. Though, according to the last arc (the one with the clones), he might be. Fun comic, though ;)

Yes, all of my dentists have been pretty cool. They just get a bad rap for y'know, the hysterical laughter when their drilling into your mouth. It kinda unnerves people.

I think you're the only person who thinks that hard about my underwear, Hesperus :)

How would you know if the dentist is fooling you anyway, Ed? Mine just throws up an x-ray and says 'you've got a cavity right here' while pointing at a black splotch that looks like all the other black splotches. Granted, I may have tons of cavities, but I pretty much take his word for it :)

Ed said...

Well, in this case, I found out because rather than dying quietly, I felt nauseous, insisted on getting up to go to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to throw up, and passed out half-way there. The dental procedure had to be aborted, and I went to a different dentist a few months later. The different dentist said, "What? There's no cavity here!" Then demonstrated the same technique for catching the probe on a normal tooth groove, and showed it could be done on the top of any molar. He then advised that I shouldn't opt for having a cavity worked unless I have independent confirmation it's there (for example, due to pain), as my good hygiene, good genes, and good diet make it unlikely for me to have any cavities.

Incidentally, in parallel to the whole second dentist trip thing, there was another saga going on, between my wife and the first dentist, regarding payment of services. This saga was cut a bit short, however, when my wife revealed that she's a lawyer, but would let them get off without paying anything because she was rather busy. (Of course, in proper legal language.)

Anyway, it sounds like my teeth X-rays look very different from yours - they don't have any black splotches on them, as such.