Assassinate Your Cavities: Part 2

We take two of the most feared creatures in the universe and then combine them into a force for good. Like the old saying goes, two wrongs make a right. Or is it don’t make a right? I forget. This may explain why my brother was so upset when I lost one of his Matchbox cars and then hit him to make up for it.

Moving on.

Combining ninjas and dentists would give us an unstoppable, nigh-invincible, and above all, stealthy method of eradicating our cavities.

Think about it. You’re at home, eating dinner, when suddenly the world goes black. You wake up two hours later and discover that you were face down in your spaghetti. After staggering to the bathroom to wash the marinara off your face, you realize that your teeth have that ‘just scraped by a metal object feeling’ and that there appears to be a new filling in your #21 molar. The bill taped to your shirt confirms it. You were just visited by a ninja dentist, who knocked you out, drilled and filled a cavity, and then billed your insurance (the cleaning was done by a ninja hygienist).

NOTE: I decided to look it up dental numbering. I was close. According to the FDI World Dental Federation Notation, molars are labeled 18, 17, 16, 26, 27, 28, 48, 47, 46, 36, 37 & 38. I also learned that there are multiple ways of numbering teeth. Also, the World Dental Federation sounds like a league where dentists wrestle each other and have names like ‘The Masticator.’

It would be perfect. You’d never have to worry about scheduling checkups, as your checkup would come to you. And you’d never have to be worried about the pain or inconvenience, as you’d be unconscious via subtle pressure point manipulation or a good old-fashioned bludgeoning.

Once people get accustomed to ninja dentists, the demand will go through the roof. Now I just have to get the funds for my Ninja College of Dentistry and Assassination.

Cheers,
-Jason

Assassinate Your Cavities: Part 1

I just had the best idea ever. Even better than the last one ‘best’ one about constructing humungous diapers to put on giant monsters. Admittedly, I still don’t know how you’d get Godzilla to stand still long enough.

Like I said, this one is better, which would make it ‘bester.’ ‘Besterest?’ ‘Gibesterest?’

I’ll stop now.

Quick! What are the two most terrifying things on the face of the planet?

No, not clowns, though that’s a good guess.

I’ll give you a hint: the first one sneaks into your bedroom at night with malicious intent. That’s right: chickens. They wait for you to fall asleep, and then creep in on clawed feet, nothing but hatred in their tiny, tiny brains. They climb onto your bed, nestle down, and they prepare to lay an egg of doom upon you!

Whoops, sorry. The correct answer is ‘ninjas.’ Ninjas sneak into your bedroom, turn off your alarm, put knots in your shoelaces, and rearrange your underwear drawer. That way, you get up late, you can’t find a clean pair of underwear, and then have to spend precious seconds sorting your laces out. Oh, and they murder you, which kinda makes the previous points moot. So yeah, ninjas are the first most terrifying thing in the world.

The second is: chi- No, nope. Not going to go there again. The answer is: dentists.

Everyone fears the dentist.

NOTE: I apologize to any dentists who might be reading this. I know you perform a valuable service and that oral hygiene is a vital part of staying a healthy, productive member of society. It’s just all the, y’know, PAIN.

Now I shan’t bore you with all the reasons everyone fears the dentist, which are numerous and well documented. What you really want to know is: why am I telling you all this?

Simple. What if we combined the two?

Tomorrow: Part 2