Tech Support: Part 1

My DSL went down the other day. It’s always weird when that happens, as I suddenly realize that almost my entire life revolves around my computer and the ability to get onto the web. I mean, I can still use my computer, but what’s the point? If I can’t look up ‘nasal warts’ on Wikipedia at a moment’s notice, what good is it?

NOTE: In a cruel twist of irony, there is no article on ‘nasal warts.’ Wikipedia did suggest ‘naval wars’ which seemed to be an acceptable substitute.

With my DSL down, my only options were to:

1. Call Tech Support
2. Go outside and discover the joy and wonder of the world. Maybe meet a nice girl. Date. Perhaps get married and start a family. Raise our children in a loving household and pass on my knowledge of all things nerdy.
3. Watch TV

Needless to say, I chose ‘Call Tech Support.’

Now, I’m sure many of you don’t like tech support. I’m sure tech support people don’t like tech support. In fact, there’s probably a layer of hell where sinners do nothing but take support calls. Actually, there’s probably a group of damned who’s punishment is to call tech support, which another group’s punishment is to provide said tech support. It’s like a Moebius strip of anguish.

However, I was a little put out by the tech support I received. It just seemed ‘off.’ The young lady I talked to, let’s call her ‘Linda,’ asked some odd questions. I felt like I had to answer, as I really, really wanted my DSL back, though I’m not sure how my blood type (O-), occupation (village idiot), or social security number (you wish) really mattered. Here’s the transcript:

Tomorrow: Part 2