So, I was typing away this morning at work and while pausing to consider whether or not a Pink Ponysaur could defeat a Silver Snakeatops, I noticed that there was a humungous glob of . . . something stuck to my chest.
NOTE: Yes, a Pink Ponysaur could take a Silver Snakeatops. They not only have the power of Heart, but the power of a Thompson Submachine gun.
It was green and globby and rather voluminous. It looked like something that would come out of an orc’s nose. It wasn’t particularly dry, either, which made it all the more disturbing.
The question is, of course, where did it come from? I’m pretty sure it didn’t come out of me, as I think I would have remembered that. I mean, the sheer volume alone suggested that no mere human could have generated this thing. Honestly (and I’m not trying to be gross here), we’re talking slug-sized here.
And the other question is when did it get on me? I didn’t walk past any goats or horses or rabid hippos all weekend, so at what point did this thing land? Which brings up another question: how did I not notice when this thing made contact? And more importantly, how long had it been there?
Anyway, I cleaned it off with a couple paper towels (I would have preferred a flamethrower) and I deposited the hoodie directly into the washing machine once I got home, so hopefully it’s taken care of.
I quizzed the ninjas about it, but they denied any knowledge. I tend to believe them, as their tastes run more to swords and humorous flatulence devices.
This suggests I may have a new enemy, one who deals in slime and ichor. I had best be on my guard, lest I fall into another mucous-y ambush.
I’ll keep you updated.
Cheers,
-Jason
10 comments:
Oh, please. Silver is far superiour to pink. I should know, I have experience in these matters.
Well, are you still getting along with your keyboard? We -know- it has a propensity to slime and ichor.
Ah, good. I thought you had noticed, now I know that gambit will work every time.
Next exciting episode: Wombats in your sneakers. Or your swim trunks. I haven't decided, but if it's wombats it was me. Or marsupials. I seem to have an overabundance of marsupials, but no one's really afraid of marsupials.
Well,Siver does have its advantages (as you well know). Silver bullets, Silver Surfers, Mithril (a type of silver). Etc. Would it help if the Silver Snakeatops could beat the Gold Gorillasaurus?
Hmmm, I hadn't thought of that. It may be another round of Barney tapes for the keyboard (I love you, you love me . . .)
Ummm, wombats are marsupials. Unless you've genetically engineered mammalian wombats, in which case can you make me a carniverous sheep?
And I once saw a video of a kangaroo beating the crap out of a guy. I think a pissed-off kangaroo would be worth of fear.
Well, I suppose I can settle for that, for now. But don't think this is over.
Silver might not be a smart material, but it's very unforgiving (I'm not, though).
If you were a carnivorous sheep, how would you write for the comic and blog?
I would hold a severed hand in my mouth and use it to hit the keys.
Alternatively, I would use human slaves to type for me under threat of being devoured.
Just for the record, I meant 'other' marsupials. I knew that... really, I did.
And, I've had the crap beat out of me by a wallaby (which is a small kangaroo). I probably could take him, but after reading how not to grab him by the chest or risk broken ribs (and no I'm not sure if they meant me or him), and his arms were fragile, and don't put a collar on him or you'll break his neck, the decision was not who would win, but who just paid the money for him, and to have him shipped into the distant airport, and had to go pick him up and wait at the cargo terminal interminablay...
Needless to say, I went to researching ways to beat crap back. without wasting my money. (Grab them by the tail, they can only hop in circles then!)
So, in essence, the wallaby won, because it was more valuable than you were :)
Hah. Yeah, I guess that's one way to look at it. I'll heal up, the Wallaby might need a trip to the Exotic Animal Vet, starting at $150 for walking in the door.
Plus, they're actually pretty wimpy, it turns out. They bite, and their jaws aren't hooked together, so they kind of grind their teeth when clamped down. It really hurts, but it's not strong enough to even break skin, you just get a huge blood blister. So basically, doing it's worst, all I needed to do was wear welding gloves and Kevlar sleeves and I was immune when so armored.
Once I learned that, I could take my time catching it by the tail- which actually was fairly easy when it was trying to gnaw on your other arm. The female didn't want to fight, she always runs, and that's harder to deal with- I gotta chase her all over to catch her. And they run *fast*, too. They could probably do 30 - 40 mph in a straightaway, but the really hard part is, they can probably do 10-15 mph, and go in the completely opposite direction, at 10-15 mph, instantly.
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