Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Prophets 0, Niners 21

So, there is a lot of talk about 2012 these days. Everyone from the History Channel to the Disney Channel is doing some sort of special on it. According to the doomsayers, everyone in the prophecy business has predicted that the world will end on 2012. Or, potentially, the world will be covered in fudge. I’m a little unclear on the details.

Apparently, even Nostradamus, the most well known of the prophets, has a quatrain about 2012. It reads, in part ‘nous sommes screwed.’ Which in French translates to ‘We’re screwed.’

I don’t put a lot of stock in the whole 2012 thing. Frankly, the world has been predicted to end so many times (anyone remember the ruckus about the Millenium?) that all the enthusiasm I can muster is a ‘meh.’ Though, of course, if the world does end, I’ll be greatly embarrassed. And probably dead, so no big loss there.

NOTE: I actually bought about $800 dollars worth of Peeps before the Millennium, just to ensure that I would have an adequate supply for the apocalyptic wasteland that would follow. Well, it was more like $80 worth. Or $20. It might’ve been $10 in quarters, I don’t really remember.

Honestly, if the world is going to blow up, I would just as soon not know about it. There’s nothing I can do about it anyway, so I’d rather be happily watching cartoons and eating Peeps up until the big moment than worrying about it for years before hand.

Yeah, I’m a man of simple pleasures.

Frankly, if the prophets were so good, why didn’t they predict useful things, like football scores? The world ends, big deal. The Packers win and there’s rioting in Green Bay. Or who’s going to win on American Idol? These are the issues that we really care about.

I mean, would it have killed them to let me know that Kim from Computer class liked me when I was a Junior in High School? I eventually figured it out, but I was about seven-years too late. Yes, I’m not fast on the uptake.

To sum up: World ending. Not very useful. Me getting a date: very, very useful.



Silver said...

You have to look on the bright side, and try to see it from the right angle. Getting every person a date individually, that's hard. Helping everyone to be able to deliver the line: "you got a date to the end of the world tomorrow?" that's much easier, and honestly, if the world was going to end tomorrow, do you think anyone would want to be alone? No one can fail with that pickup line.

The word verification calls me biased, but I can't really understand why.

Jerron said...

Yeah, what Silver said. I'm just glad I'm not the only clueless one out there who figured out some chick liked him *way* after the fact.

I think subtle hints by amorous females should be outlawed. From now on, subtle is having someone tell him she likes him. Normal is telling him herself. And 'forward' is using the 2x4 across the head. (Then again, I'm, Polish, I guess that might actually hurt some of you.)

I mean, really, I might not even be married to the same woman if I had gotten my brains bashed in a couple of times. ;)

Oh, and if the word verification calls you biased, it must really be bad. :P I never got any sensible vocabulary out of it, I always thought it was just made up nonsense until now.

Kris said...

Maybe the prophets knew it wouldn't end well for you and so just skipped it to help out.

I do think the movie will be funny though. The whole point is that the world is ending, but from the commercials it looks like they're still trying to give us lessons about the human race banding together to overcome obstacles. So unless they still go and kill off all life by the end it won't be true to the subject matter. My bet is that they're going to have a select few survive via some silly "stop the universe from killing us" device like a panda shaped Aztec trombone.

My word of the day was pessidi, which I only found in reference to a language I couldn't recognize...and Italian, but it didn't translate.

Jason Janicki said...

Interesting angle, Silver. So, all the prophets were simply trying to score? "Hey, babe. The world's ending tomorrow. Wanna get lucky?"

I agree completly Jerron. Also being Polish, I would appreciate a subtle 'I like you' smack as opposed to the traditional way.

I think some part of humanity escapes on giant ships or something. At least, that's what I gather from the trailer. But the 99.9% of the rest humanity is screwed (Ils sont screwed in the French).

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't that be "Ninety-Niners"? Or am I missing the joke? And wouldn't it only be 20?


Silver said...

Well, yeah, I guess. What other reason would the prophets have for proclaiming the world was going to end in the years 30, 60, 90, 365, somwhere between 375 to 400, 500, 968, 992, 1000, 1005-1006, 1033, 1147, 1179, 1205, 1284, 1346, 1496, 1524, 1533, 1669, 1689, 1736, 1792, 1794, 1830, 1832, 2000 and 2012 AD.

I mean, if it WASN'T to pick up girls, or guys, then I really don't get it, and to be honest, I couldn't think of any better pick-up lines than that one (and, not to brag or anything, but I'm VERY good at pick-up lines).

And personally, I wouldn't mind the 2x4 too much, as long as it got the message across. Maybe write "I like you" on it in big red letters? Because if a girl was running at me with a 2x4, I'd usually run in the other direction, not ask her out. And that sort of defeats the purpose, since she'll feel rejected, and have another reason to use it. And this time it's not one I'll like.

Surprisingly, the word verification doesn't have a comment on this I can decipher, but I seem to remember that word from my lessons in Italian, I was never a very attentive student though.

"gunner" said...

about this 2012 thing, a mayan tribal elder, (yes, the maya still exist as an indigenous people) visiting in britian remarked that he was getting very tired of people asking him about this, that the mayan calender does not predict "the end of the world" and there is another calender that runs up to 4500+, so relax, go find a date and have fun.

Jason Janicki said...

Niners as in the Football team (American football). And 21 would be a pretty common score.

I like it. The 2x4 of love :)

Yeah, the funniest thing I heard about the Mayan calender ending was that someone pointed out that our calender 'ends' on December 31st every year and no one seems to get upset about it ;)