Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Pooping (or not)

Oddly enough, this particular blog is not about me. It’s about my buddy Sean’s three-year-old. Let’s call him James, mainly because that’s his name and I want him to read this when he gets older and be vaguely embarrassed.

Now, James is a typical three-year-old, in that he’s short, hyper, and has the attention span of . . . well . . . a three-year-old. He also refuses to poop. Oh, he can poop, he’s done it hundreds of times already. He just doesn’t want to do it in the toilet.

This led to an interesting evening where several of us went over to Sean’s house for some après dinner conversation and Sean spent the better part of an hour in the bathroom with James trying to get him to go, so to speak.

Sean was eventually tapped out by his lovely wife, Devon, who had as little success. Forget trekking across Middle Earth to destroy the One Ring. Forget defeating Voldemort. You want a real Epic-quest? Get the kid to poop.

NOTE: Hypothetically speaking, I wonder how many xp it would be worth? And what would be the reward?

It says something about humanity that a small child has the willpower to defy many times his weight in adult and refuse to do something he desperately needs to do at the same time. I think it mostly says that it was a miracle that we survived at all.

I am pleased to report, though, that James eventually pooped about two hours after we left, making it about three in the morning. This means that they spent about five hours with the lad in the bathroom before he finally acquiesced and everybody could go to bed.

Now, the only question is: how long will it take the next time? For Sean and Devon’s sake, I hope not too long.



Pookie said...

when my oldest nephew was started off on solid foods, he would not eat. despite the fact that he was hungry, he only wanted a bottle. finally what got him eating regularly was ridiculous amounts of praise from family and friends.

every night around 5 his mom would make a big production out of calling her dnd buddies, the neighbors, aunties, church people, etc. and inviting them to come over and watch him eat at 6. then with 7-12 of us standing around the high chair and avidly watching, he would take a bite - and we would break into spontaneous applause, cheering, whistling, etc. after every bite, we'd cheer, til the meal was finished. then we'd have a glass of wine, and go home. after a few repetitions of this his mom called fewer and fewer people, til finally he was just doing it for his mom and dad. it worked for him...but i only recommend this method if you have a really large space and a dedicated crew willing to pop over every night to give a standing ovation to mediocracy... offering wine helps :)

Kris said...

However, with this particular issue and Pookie's solution, there might be a side effect of having young James associate pooping with everyone being happy with him.
Then again, what if you could solve problems just by pooping? Actually solve, not shock people by the very act.

Ehm said...

when my brother, god bless him, was oh, about that age he refused, flatly, to do his business in the toilet. He could, he just refused because well, it was so much easier and convenient to do it in one's pants. My parents had stopped putting him in diapers but he still insisted on doing it his way until one day my dad told him that the next time he pooped in his pants he'd take him outside and wash him off with the garden hose.

Well, one chilly February morning my brother pooped in his pants and Daddy took him outside and washed him down with the garden hose. Ok, I'm from CA and our spring comes in Feb so it wasn't freezing but it was cold. My brother never pooped in his pants again.

shornk said...

James put another poop in the potty last night. :) This time it was just under 15 min. I let him play games on my Zune and he did it in no time.

When your child learns to do this its a freaking huge cause for celebration. We are so proud of him. Good Job James!

Jason Janicki said...

Wow, Pookie. I applaud you and your friends dedication to getting the little bugger to eat :)

Yeah, Kris. If he pooped and nobody cheered, he'd feel bad and potentially not want to poop again.

I love the idea of solving problems through pooping. "World leaders met today and after a hearty lunch, pooped until a solution to the crisis in the mid-east came about. Tomorrow, they plan an equally hearty breakfast to address global warming."

I have a similar story Ehm, save that it was my older brother jiggling his leg while at the dinner table. He was shaking the floor, so my dad told him that if he didn't stop, he'd stab in the leg with his fork. He didn't, dad did, and he never did it again :)

In the words of my sifu: pain is a powerful teacher :)

Hooray! I'm sure you're delighted, Sean :)