Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Simon Says: Part 2

For those of you who don’t know, Simon Says is very, very simple. One player is ‘Simon’ and tells the other players what to do. If your boss happens to be named ‘Simon,’ this would be very familiar. Legal commands start with ‘Simon says’ and you need to do them to continue. If a command does not start with ‘Simon says,’ you must not do it.

Legal commands would include:
Simon says stand on your left foot.
Simon says point up.
Simon says reflect on your life as a tool of the bourgeois Capitalist Imperial State.
Simon says ponder nothingness.

That’s pretty much it. If Simon uses the magic words, you do it. If not, don’t. This is fascinatingly unlike the real world.

Frankly, there really ought to be a Professional Simon Says League. The beauty is that it’s a completely level field. Other than an ability to follow the language being used, it is completely neutral in regards to gender, age, athletic ability, race, creed, religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, favorite dessert, handiness, or IQ.

You could have a team of 4th graders competing against Wall Street brokers. Republicans vs. Democrats. Budweiser vs. Coors. Superheroes vs. the Mole People of Cignus IV.

It would rock. At least until the inevitable steroid scandals, the gambling, drugs, and the immense, inflated salaries took their toll. Granted, these sorts of problems haven’t hurt any other professional sport, so there you go.

Cheers,
-Jason

8 comments:

Ehm said...

Has anyone told you yet today that you are random because if not, I'd like to be the one who says it... today.

rhan said...

That might actually get me to play team sports. Well, until "Simon says get me the Higgs boson and a box of slim jims," anyway. Refs and managers always abuse their positions.

Maybe we could get together a collegiate league to compete with the daycare kids down the block...

Jason Janicki said...

No, no one has told me I'm random today. So you win!

And that would be great, especially when the Harvard team gets creamed by Miss Smith's Kindergarten class ;)

Anonymous said...

we tried playing this earnestly until someone walked in with beer and showed interest in the game.. the rest of the night was derailed with awkwardness.

Darren said...

That would be about as much of a sport as Golf. Golf would be made a lot better if the participants had to run to the next hole without stopping, or have a battle with blunt weapons (i.e. Golf Clubs) before being allowed to tee off. Bonus factor - the only club they can hit the ball with is one they have previously used in a battle they have won. If they can't win a battle, they cannot Golf.

TX_Val said...

I think I'd watch darren's gottle.. gattfle?

I bet we'd see golf clubs that looked like bats, or hockey sticks.

Ralf Tschuena said...

I'am sure that at least the TV-commentators would invent some jargon. "Look, Steve. This athlet try a australian somersault after the McKennzie left foot. Looks like he try a classical combo to shout "Uno" lastly! Its part of teamsports, I guess.

Jason Janicki said...

Baseball has the same problem for me as Golf. You have clubs, why can't you hit what/who you want?

Oh, the commentary would be the best part!

"Hmm, #12 Billy Johnson is picking his nose and- wait! He's flinging it at the Wall Street Tycoon's Burt Wilson! Did Wilson notice?

He did! He did notice! And now he's - ooooh, he went for the rude gesture! Billy's burts into tears!"

That would rock.