Death and . . . : Part 3

“Why are you still here?” I asked the voice from the answering machine.

“I LIKE HAIKUS.”

“Ah.” I shrugged at the ninjas, who shrugged back. “Look, guys,” I began. “I would normally be overjoyed to fight you all, but this thing, y’know?” I gestured vaguely towards the answering machine.

The lead ninja bowed once again. “We understand, Polack-sama. We will withdraw until such time as you need burial.”

“Gee, thanks.”

All the ninjas simultaneously threw down their smoke pellets and there were a dozen flashes and the living room immediately filled with smoke. If you listened closely, you would have heard a two-dozen tabi-clad feet move to the doorway, briefly tug on the handle, realize it was locked, unlock it, and then move out into the entry, closing the door behind them, and then arguing about who got to ride ‘shotgun’ in the official ninja van. I, however, heard none of this, as I had turned on the kitchen fan and was fanning the smoke towards it.

“Well,” I said to no one in particular as the last of the smoke dispersed and I put my bayonet back on top of the weapon rack. “This has been a day.”

“TELL ME ABOUT IT.”

I frowned. “Don’t you have better things to do? Like terrorizing small children or poking aardvarks?”

“NOT REALLY.”

“Great. I’m gonna get some dinner, pet the cat, and maybe watch a movie. I’ll call you in the morning.”

“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WATCH?”

“I dunno. I haven’t really thought about it.”

“CAN I WATCH IT WITH YOU?”

“Uh . . . “ A thought formed in my head. It had something to do with building gun that shot pork. A second thought occurred right after that one and I went with it. “If you tell me what this is all about, maybe.”

“REALLY?”

“Sure.”

“UMM . . . THERE’S A DISCREPENCY WITH YOUR ADDRESS AND IT NEEDS TO BE CLEARED UP.”

“That’s it? You scared the ninjas and all that just for an address change?”

“YES.”

“Why?”

“I’M TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY LONELY.”

“Right.” I shrugged. “Your choice: 36 Chambers of Shaolin or My Young Auntie?”

“OOOH, 36 CHAMBERS!”

“You got it.”

The rest of the night proceeded uneventfully.

Cheers,
-Jason