Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Good, the Bad, and the Mortimer

There is a spider that lives in my bedroom. He is mostly found on the wall behind my computer. I have decided, for no readily apparent reason, to name him Mortimer (Mort is okay, but not Morty. He does not look like a Morty).

Mortimer is a rather quiet fellow. I rarely see him move, but when I come home, he is generally in a different spot (he favors the corner and directly above the calendar). I can therefore only assume that he is some sort of spider hero and that when I am gone, he goes off to have exciting, spider-related adventures.

I am rather pleased by this, as it means that at least someone in my apartment has a life.

You may be dubious about my claims that Mortimer is a spider hero, yet I have proof. Mortimer once intimidated my cat. Now, my cat is small, by cat standards, but at 6-odd pounds, she is a behemoth compared to Mortimer.

One day, I noticed my cat sniffing at the wall near the door. I looked over and found her nose to carapace with Mortimer. They eyed each other in a Sergione Leon-esque fashion for a moment and then my cat dashed under the bed.

I am not kidding.

I can only assume that Mortimer growled some sort of threat and that, combined with the glare of his eight steely eyes, was enough to send my cat fleeing in terror.

Mortimer is not here right now. I am forced to assume that he is off in some exotic locale, rescuing hot spider girls and beating the snot out of evil insects.

Well, at least one of us is having fun.


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