Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Klingon Kindergarten

Silence! Roared Miss KTarth. Silence! Or I will crush your skulls and feast on your brains!

The kindergarten class quieted down, turning obediently to face their teacher.

I will now call roll. Answer quickly! BGor!






There was no response. Shoktor! Answer me!

I think hes dead.


He was playing on the slide with a betleH. He sorta . . . fell . . . on it.

Then he was weak and deserved to die! Bah! I have no patience for calling roll!
Miss KTarth threw the clip board over her shoulder. It is time for arts and crafts! Get to you desks. NOW!

The children scrambled to their feet and dashed to their seats, leaping over the various spikes and knives that were scattered around the classroom. Miss KTarth fetched a large box from the storeroom and began passing out materials.

Now, using paper and glue, you will construct a macaroni duck. You will take this home and give it to your parents, who will honor you by taping it to the refrigerator.

One boy raised his hand.

What, Zargath? Do you need to use the little warriors room again?

Whats a duck?

An Earth creature. It lives on the water and tears apart its prey with razor sharp talons. Now get to work!

The children bent industriously over their papers, carefully gluing the macaronis in place as their teacher walked among them, offering encouragement.

Blort! Do not eat the glue yet! Save it for lunch!

Varktar! Your duck is weak! Make it fiercer or you will bring shame to your family!

Miss KTarth paused by one desk, where the boys paper was blank. Thort! You were ordered to create a macaroni duck! Why did you disobey a direct order!?

Because a great Klingon warrior killed the duck with his bare hands and then ate it!

Miss Ktarth smiled. You will go far, young Thort!

There was a sudden, horrible screeching.

Recess! Bellowed Miss Ktarth. I expect to see fighting! Kahless help you if there is no fighting!

As the children ran outside, Miss Ktarth straightened up the classroom. Additional knives were strewn about and she made sure the painsticks were charged for a game of Duck, Duck, Aaaargh later on. She looked up at a particularly loud yell and saw several kids run by the window waving betleHs. She smiled and with a shake of her head, continued cleaning.



Scutatus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scutatus said...

A Klingon kindergarden? lol Oh, that's inspired. It does make you wonder how any klingon child reaches adulthood. :)
Tiffany? A Klingon called Tiffany?! Hysterical. :D

Anonymous said...

Having just returned home from work I read your entry for the day. Have you been hiding in my art room? I thought I have all the hiding places tagged and trapped in case any of my students chance an escape attempt. On second thought, it could not be my room as I would never use macaroni as an art supply, they would use the feathers of a real duck they caught, plucked, then cooked themselves.

Tim the art guy.

Jason Janicki said...

Tiffany happens to be an old and honorable name for male Klingons.

Have you checked the second light from the right, Tim? I totally bugged that one :)