Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Next Week: Part 2

Ask anyone who’s ever worked a table. There is always at least one completely crazy person every con who will insist on talking about Uwe Boll for 45 minutes with you (true story). As they might actually be a customer or an editor from a major comic company, you don’t want to be rude. So, you smile and nod and hope that if they go on a spree, they’ll remember you fondly and not attempt to make a hat out of your liver.

That’s one of the funny things about cons: you can’t really make assumptions about the people walking by. The guy in the stained Wolverine short and jorts could be multi-millionaire while the guy in the tailored suit with the briefcase might just be trying to show people his original work: Suitman and Copy Boy, which was done in stick-figures and crayon (semi-true: it wasn’t called Suitman and Copy Boy).

Where were we? Ah, yes. Mental preparation.

Now, everyone mentally prepares differently. By far the single most popular method is beer, followed by more beer, leading to staggering, and if possible yet more beer. Said beer is generally drunk in the evenings after the con and sometimes well into the next morning, leading to vendors who haven’t actually ‘slept it off,’ as they never actually went to bed in the first place.

Yes, I actually heard ‘Dude, I think I’m still drunk’ one fine con morning as I went by a table.

I’m sure there are plenty of other ways to mentally prepare for a con. Some might read old comics. Some might walk into their local comic shop on a busy Wednesday and mention loudly that ‘Batman could totally beat Superman,’ thus sparking off a nerd riot.

NOTE: According to my mother, Superman would win because Christopher Reeve was the ‘handsome one.’ Except what she actually said was ‘the handsome one who was in that movie where he traveled back in time and fell in love with that woman with dark hair’ because she can’t remember the names of actors or movies. However, having known my mother all my life, I was able to interpret this as Christopher Reeve, as he was in Somewhere in Time with Jane Seymour.

Personally, I have a very simple regimen for mental preparation: I try to cancel a credit card. Now, if you’ve never tried to do this, it’s worthy of being one of Hercules’ Twelve Labors (right after the one where he had to clean the stables), as the person you’re talking to is being paid to get you to not cancel. They will try every verbal and psychological trick in their arsenal from guilt to coupons to dates with celebrities in order to keep you as a customer. It is the art of verbal sparring at its most intense. If you can successfully cancel a credit card, you can deal with any potential customer.

Though, I must point out that I still haven’t gotten my date with Olivia Wilde.

Cheers,
-Jason

6 comments:

Amy Simeister said...

LOL, in younger days when I had a body that could do credit to many a female comic character I enjoyed dressing up for cons. Sadly these days unless they use the venus of walendorf as a comic character, skimpy costumes are an eye sore that no weary con going geek or nerd needs to be subjected to. That did not how ever stop a boyfriend from trying hard to convince me to join him at a con in costume. He lobbied idea after idea at me, from Red Sonja, to Gabriel (of Xena fame) and many anoher like this. to each I replied that my very round shape would make a mockery of this and I would not do that. (I am a nerd puriest) I challenged him to find me something besides a Hutt where my being fat would not matter. -- In his wisdom he shot back with "you could go as She Hulk or an Orion Slave Girl" I didn't bat an eyelash as I responded with .. "It's not easy cleaning green!" His hysterical laughter ended that conversation. I got to go to the con as myself for the first time. :)

Rahel Sewell said...

Ooo, this sounds like a great technique!
It's funny that you mentioned the Batman VS Superman thing. My little sister brought it up yesterday. I still say that it would depend upon the writer's preference (or bias) and whether or not Bats had kryptonite...

Insectoid said...

When I read the words "dates with celebrities", I just KNEW you were going to mention Olivia Wilde again. Is that scary or what? :P

Jason Janicki said...

Hah! Great story, Amy!

The Batman vs. Superman thing will never be answered to anyone's satisfaction, which is why it's such great nerd-bait :) As for myself: if he has time to prepare, Batman all the way. Spur of the moment? Superman :)

I just rewatched TRON again, so Olivia's been on my mind :)

Wyvern said...

Actually, "that movie where he traveled back in time and fell in love with that woman with dark hair" is an accurate description of the first Superman movie too.

Jason Janicki said...

Except that in the Superman movie, he fell in love first, then traveled back in time. These little details matter when deciphering my mom's intent. Otherwise, though, you are completely correct :)