Mother Nature is Messing With Me

I don’t like snow. Well, that isn’t completely accurate. I don’t like driving in snow. I have nothing against the substance itself and in fact, was an ardent skier back in the day. It’s just that it always seems to snow at the wrong time.

For example: when I’m at work.

I drive a light, rear-wheel drive pick-up and live on a hill. The chance of me actually getting home if there’s decent snowfall is slim. In addition, there’s the whole ‘sliding backwards into oncoming traffic’ thing, which though exhilarating, is best left to professionals.

NOTE: Yes, I could put sandbags or a pile of hobos in the back of the truck to weigh it down, but I never seem to get around to it. Plus, it’s really hard to keep the hobos back there unless you tie them securely and for some reason, the police find this suspicious at best.

Now, once I’m home, everything is fine. I have several restaurants and grocery stores within walking distance and don’t mind an occasional stroll through a winter wonderland. In fact, if it snows enough, we might get a day off work, on account that they don’t want the employees to die getting there.

So, imagine my delight when I heard that it was supposed to snow last night. This meant that I could potentially get a snow day without the danger of driving and potentially wetting myself from sheer terror.

I went to the store, stocked up on movies and food (even bought ice-cream), and happily went to bed, thoughts of a pleasant day at home watching movies in my underwear racing through my head. Upon awakening, I sprang to the window (ie, shuffled grumpily) and was disappointed to find that there was no snow. Upon arriving at work, I was greeted with the news that it might snow at about 4 in the afternoon, meaning that I would get to drive in it.

Luckily, no snow materialized, so I was able to get home with only the usual minor abrasions (don’t ask). At this point, I was fine with the whole thing. No snow is better than snow. Yet as I write this, it is now snowing. There’s a good half-inch out there, with more coming down.

This is good, yes? No, as the weather report said that it won’t stick and should be gone by morning.

So, as far as I can tell, Mother Nature is just messing with me. She’s taunting me with snow and then yanking it away.

Repeatedly.

Snow or no snow, I don’t care. Just do one or the other.

Just as long as I don’t have to drive in it.

Cheers,
-Jason