Thursday, January 6, 2011

Parts Are Intact

Well, I’m back after a lovely vacation and Christmas with mother down in California. Food was eaten, drinks were quaffed, I gained about five pounds, and my mother refrained from shooting me, seeing as she’d just put up new wall paper.
So good news all around.

Even the ninjas, clowns, and mimes have declared a cease-fire for the season, which is nice because I’m getting tired of dodging shuriken, exploding pies, and invisible bullets. At least with the invisible bullets, I can just pretend I have an invisible shield and they don’t work. If the mimes ever think of invisible Teflon bullets, I may be in trouble.

You might think that with all this that I’m happy and carefree, skipping about as it were, whistling a jaunty tune.

NOTE: I’m not really a skipping whistler guy. I’m more a shuffling mutterer.

You’d be wrong.

It’s the nutcrackers. I have about a dozen, given to me over the years by my mother. I honestly have no idea why. She just started buying them for me. I admit, they’re an improvement over the Barbie dolls, but still.

Where was I? Oh yes.

It’s just that I’ve been finding the nutcrackers in odd places lately. There was one in the cabinet where I keep my Captain Crunch. There was one on the counter in the bathroom. There was even one under the desk when I started writing this. So either I’ve been sleep moving nutcrackers or there’s something nefarious going on. And sometimes, I can feel their wooden eyes on me. I realize this sounds nuts, but I can’t imagilasdkloaasdha

Ha ha. I am making a thing that is of amusement. The nutcrackers are best. They make all things more good. I am very fine. All of my human parts are intact and doing correct. I must go. I must order many hundreds of bags of nuts. In shells.

Delicious shells.

Jason the Human


Gillsing said...

I think I get enough nuts in various pieces of chocolate. But never mind that. Seen this piece before?

I could see how one of those could do some harm to a Jason-human, if it was so inclined.

M said...

You're not meant to eat the shells!


Kris said...

No big deal. People are always doing things "nature never intended." What's shell eating to top it off?

Ed said...

So, the toothbrush finally won in the end.

Sad, really. As I said before, I hope the toothbrush is as good at writing. :)

Jason Janicki said...

That is actually really cool, Gillsing. If I didn't already have 11 nutcrackers, I might get one of those :)

They're nutcrackers, who knows what they like? :)

Actually, Ed, the toothbrush has been writing the whole time. Jason is just his pen name :)