Stories from the Cape and Cowl: Costumes: Part 1

It was 2 am and Major Headache was at his usual spot in the Cape and Cowl, half a pint of Guinness resting in front of him. The only other cape in the place was Kid Vicious, who was already passed out and snoring loudly in one of the back booths. Steve the Destroyer and Miss Anthrope had drawn a mustache and glasses on him as they left.

The door banged open and Street Urchin walked in, though ‘limped’ might be a better description. His outfit, normally tattered and full of holes, was now sporting copious burn marks as well.

“Hey, kid,” called out the Major. He gave the Urchin a long look. “Don’t we look like hell.”

“Yeah,” Urchin said, as he limped over to take a seat by the older hero. “Me an’ the Pink Valkyrie tore it up with Lord Kelvin.”

“Ah, that would explain the burns.”

“Yeah. I officially hate heat rays, by the way.” Urchin waved at Lloyd. “A Guinness, please.”

Lloyd nodded and drew a beer for the young hero, placing it before him on a stained deckle.

“Thanks.” Urchin took a sip and sighed. “Man, I needed that.”

“So, did you nab him?” asked the Major.

“Nah, he had a fail-safe. Valkryie almost had him, but then he blew up the building.”

The Major raised an eyebrow. “Is she okay?”

“Oh, she’s fine. Pissed, but fine.” Urchin took another pull. “Which reminds me. I wanted to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“So, Valkryie gets blown up, right?”

“Right.”

“And most of her uniform is incinerated.”

“Yeah.”

“How come all that was left of her outfit was a strip over her chest and hot pants?” Urchin raised his hands, as if imploring the sky for an answer. “I mean, it makes no sense. Logically, shouldn’t ALL of her uniform go?”

“I see your point.” The Major paused and considered his pint. “You ever lose your uniform?”

“Well, there was this one time when Bile Boy puked on me. Most of it was gone.”

“Did you end up wearing shorts and nothing else?”

“Oi!” Kid Vicious suddenly appeared in the mirror behind them. “Where’d everybody go?” He half-collapsed on the Major’s shoulder, tried to steady himself by grabbing the Urchin, missed and fell heavily to the floor.

“Actually,” said the Urchin. “Yeah, now that you mention it.”

From beneath the stools, Kid Vicious began to snore again.

The Major finished off his beer and gestured to Lloyd for another one. “Well, kid, let me tell you a story.”