Kung-Fu Movies

I like kung-fu movies. They are, as a whole, quite bad, though I consider this part of their charm. Having watched several hundred kung-fu movies over the years I have learned a few important lessons. They are:

The old beggar is actually a master (in disguise or otherwise). Odds are he is a Drunken Master. Do not pick fights with old beggars.

Restaurants are singularly dangerous places. Every time a restaurant is shown in a kung-fu movie, a fight breaks out. If you are not interested in a brawl, eat in.

If you find yourself entrusted with something valuable, be it a trunk of gold, a rare manual of kung-fu, or the Seal of the Emperor do not tell everyone you have it. Also do not carry the item in an easily accessible place, as it will fall out at an inappropriate time. This will prevent people from trying to kill you every fifteen minutes.

If you are searching for the man who killed your father, it is probably the guy who helped you out in act one and has become your mentor. Just go ahead and fight him now, it will be easier in the long run.

If you are a villain, be sure to kill everyone you defeat. If you allow them to live, even if you cripple them, they will inevitably find a master (generally one of your old enemies) and learn a completely new style of fighting via a montage. They will then come back and kick your butt in the third act.

Cheers,
-Jason