Imagine this: You need to go to the bathroom. Your home, be it an apartment, house, mansion, or cardboard box, only has one. Therefore, you need to walk to it whenever you feel the need. Now, imagine that the next time youre walking to your bathroom, you happen to notice a squirrel sitting in the hallway.
Odd as this may be, you continue on past the squirrel. After all, you need to use the bathroom. However, the squirrel, instead of gathering nuts or buying stocks on margin or whatever it is squirrels normally do screeches horribly and attacks you.
You are surprised, rightfully so, and recovering from your astonishment, beat the squirrel off your leg with a club that happens to be there (if you can accept a squirrel in your hallway, you can accept that there might be a club there as well. Just go with it).
The squirrel runs off and you continue towards the bathroom, perhaps whistling a jaunty sea tune. However, before you can reach the bathroom, eleven squirrels, led by the one that originally attacked you, descend en masse and begin to savage your calves.
One squirrel is not so bad. Two squirrels could be irritating. Five is downright nasty. Eleven however, are almost lethal. You fight your way into the bathroom, slamming the door on them and stand there panting and bleeding and probably wondering what the hell was going on.
After staunching the bleeding and applying Bactine or your antiseptic of choice, you do your business and then exit the bathroom. The squirrel is still there, using a pen to draw on the wall. You try to get past it again and the same thing happens. Youre attacked by a prime number of squirrels and have to dash halfway across the house to get away from them.
Now imagine that you have to do this every single time you go to the bathroom. Ludicrous, yes?
You may be wondering what Im talking about. Well, welcome to WoW, the only place in existence where the animals are as abundant as they are aggressive.
This is a long standing pet peeve of mine in WoW. There are just too many damn animals that agro way to easily. Its just amazingly irritating trying to get from point A to point B and having to wipe out a half-a-dozen species to do so. The Hinterlands are one of the worst places for this, as there are so many wolves in the area (some of which are stealthed) that even if youre the appropriate level, you will spend half your time simply running away.
The worst example to me is Spinebreaker Post in the Hellfire Peninsula. I spent a good chunk of Sunday leveling my hunter and there is simply no good way to get there. No matter how you approach it, youre going to agro something. And the boars stun, so just riding through does not work. I probably got half-a-level just from having to kill boars I could not get around.
Now, I love WoW as much as the next addict, but they really should reduce the agro on most animals, especially if you have to constantly travel back and forth through them to get to the quest givers.
Just my .02 cents.
Cheers,
-Jason
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
A Review
Greetings and salutations,
Leigh just discovered our first review. Well, the first review weve actually seen, to be more accurate.
The site is: http://tangent.panel2panel.com/. You need to scroll down to the 10/01/2007 section.
Stick around and check out their site, they obviously have good taste :)
Cheers,
-Jason
Leigh just discovered our first review. Well, the first review weve actually seen, to be more accurate.
The site is: http://tangent.panel2panel.com/. You need to scroll down to the 10/01/2007 section.
Stick around and check out their site, they obviously have good taste :)
Cheers,
-Jason
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Men in Masks With Knives
Picture this. Youre walking home late one night and decide to take a shortcut through a dark alley. As you trudge down the darkened path, you begin to grow nervous. Your pulse quickens and you soon flinch at every noise. All of a sudden, a shape looms before you. You freeze, your hands clench and your breath quickens, as adrenaline floods through your system. The shape moves, revealing itself to be a rental cat, also on its way home after a hard day.
You relax, even smile to yourself, and then realize, someone is behind you. You whirl and see a man in a mask with a knife. You have only a mere fraction of a second to decide: is it a surgeon or a ninja?
Your life will depend on the answer.
Surgeons and ninjas, much like zombies and robots, are amazingly similar:
Both wear masks
Both are trained to use knives
Both smell of lilac
Both wear form-fitting, monochromatic outfits
Both have devoted years to learning their craft
Both have taken solemn oaths to fulfill their duty
But while a ninja will chop you into pieces, a surgeon will put you back together. They are two sides of the same coin, one yin to the others yang, salt and pepper, ebony and ivory, marshmallow and bbq sauce, rock and paper (it works if you ignore scissors).
The one thing, however, that both hate above all, is being mistaken for the other. The ninja will simply cut out your heart and show it to you, but the surgeon will tell everyone at the country club that you cried like a girl.
How can I tell the difference, you may ask? There are no hard-and-fast rules, but I will make something up.
Surgeons generally carry much smaller knives than ninjas. This works well, unless you happen to get a ninja whos really secure in his masculinity.
Ninjas tend to be Japanese. If its a white guy, hes probably a surgeon. This is of no help if hes a surgeon of Asian descent, however.
Surgeons tend to wear much more colorful outfits. If hes dressed head-to-toe in lime green or his outfit has a floral pattern, chances are hes a surgeon. However, many modern ninjas have ditched the traditional black outfits in favor of more colorful garb. If hes in bright pink, your guess is as good as mine.
Armed with this knowledge, you have a good chance to correctly identify the masked man and forestall a disemboweling or some vicious gossip.
If you think its a ninja, say: Ohio! Watashi-wa, shobosha-desu!
Literal translation: Good morning! I am a fire truck!
The ninja will laugh and probably only mutilate you a little before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
If you think its a surgeon, say: I wanted to be a doctor, but just didnt have the patience!
Literal translation: I wanted to be a doctor, but just didnt have the patience!
The surgeon will give a tired laugh, as he has heard the joke a billion times and roll his eyes as he continues on to his Mercedes.
Armed with this knowledge, you can safely wander through dark alleys, reasonably certain your life and reputation will remain intact.
Warning: wandering through dark alleys is dangerous. You could trip, fall on a rusty nail, and get lockjaw. We are totally not responsible if that happens.
Cheers,
-Jason
You relax, even smile to yourself, and then realize, someone is behind you. You whirl and see a man in a mask with a knife. You have only a mere fraction of a second to decide: is it a surgeon or a ninja?
Your life will depend on the answer.
Surgeons and ninjas, much like zombies and robots, are amazingly similar:
Both wear masks
Both are trained to use knives
Both smell of lilac
Both wear form-fitting, monochromatic outfits
Both have devoted years to learning their craft
Both have taken solemn oaths to fulfill their duty
But while a ninja will chop you into pieces, a surgeon will put you back together. They are two sides of the same coin, one yin to the others yang, salt and pepper, ebony and ivory, marshmallow and bbq sauce, rock and paper (it works if you ignore scissors).
The one thing, however, that both hate above all, is being mistaken for the other. The ninja will simply cut out your heart and show it to you, but the surgeon will tell everyone at the country club that you cried like a girl.
How can I tell the difference, you may ask? There are no hard-and-fast rules, but I will make something up.
Surgeons generally carry much smaller knives than ninjas. This works well, unless you happen to get a ninja whos really secure in his masculinity.
Ninjas tend to be Japanese. If its a white guy, hes probably a surgeon. This is of no help if hes a surgeon of Asian descent, however.
Surgeons tend to wear much more colorful outfits. If hes dressed head-to-toe in lime green or his outfit has a floral pattern, chances are hes a surgeon. However, many modern ninjas have ditched the traditional black outfits in favor of more colorful garb. If hes in bright pink, your guess is as good as mine.
Armed with this knowledge, you have a good chance to correctly identify the masked man and forestall a disemboweling or some vicious gossip.
If you think its a ninja, say: Ohio! Watashi-wa, shobosha-desu!
Literal translation: Good morning! I am a fire truck!
The ninja will laugh and probably only mutilate you a little before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
If you think its a surgeon, say: I wanted to be a doctor, but just didnt have the patience!
Literal translation: I wanted to be a doctor, but just didnt have the patience!
The surgeon will give a tired laugh, as he has heard the joke a billion times and roll his eyes as he continues on to his Mercedes.
Armed with this knowledge, you can safely wander through dark alleys, reasonably certain your life and reputation will remain intact.
Warning: wandering through dark alleys is dangerous. You could trip, fall on a rusty nail, and get lockjaw. We are totally not responsible if that happens.
Cheers,
-Jason
How Big a Nerd Are You: Answers
1. What is Benders last name?
a. Rodriguez. His full name is Bender Bending Rodriguez.
2. In Dune (the original novel), what is the name of the Emperors house?
a. Corrino. His full name is Shaddam Corrino IV.
3. The Roman Legionnaires carried the gladius. What was the name of the longer sword used principally by the cavalry troops?
a. The spatha.
4. In the novel The Fellowship of the Ring, what is the name of the elf who comes upon Aragorn and the halflings after Frodo is stabbed on Weathertop?
a. Glorfindel. In the movie, its Arwen, which was done to give her more screen time and not add another character.
5. What is Kirks brothers name?
a. George Samuel Kirk, Jr.
6. In Star Wars (Episode IV: A New Hope), not including the Millennium Falcon, how many Rebel ships survive the attack on the Death Star (bonus points if you can recall what types of ships they were)?
a. Three. Two X-Wings and a Y-Wing. Wedge Antilles piloted one of the X-Wings, with Luke in the other. No clue on who was piloting the Y-Wing.
7. In Babylon 5 (the original TV show) how many Techno-Mages are actually seen on camera?
a. One.
8. What is a mud-die?
a. In the early days of DnD, the plastic used to make dice was too soft and their edges wore down rather quickly. They became known as mud-dice.
9. What does the H.P. in H.P. Lovecraft stand for?
a. Howard Phillips.
10. What is Caliburn an older name for?
a. Excaliber. Caliburn was the name used by Geoffrey of Monmouth (c. 1140) and it is believed to have been derived from Caledfwlch, which is first mentioned in the Malbinogion.
Cheers,
-Jason
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
How Big A Nerd Are You?
Im a pretty big nerd. Sci-Fi, fantasy, I love it all. Ive read quite a few nerd questionnaires over the years, so I thought I would be fun to whip up one of my own. All of these questions are off the top of my head and prove nothing save that I store a lot of useless information.
Im sure you can find all these answers on the internet, but go through them once and see how well you do. And if you have any real good questions (nothing too esoteric, ie, they should involve a commonly read/watched series), let me know.
Answers will be posted tomorrow.
Cheers,
-Jason
1. What is Benders last name?
2. In Dune (the original novel), what is the name of the Emperors house?
3. The Roman Legionnaires carried the gladius. What was the name of the longer sword used principally by the cavalry troops?
4. In the novel The Fellowship of the Ring, what is the name of the elf who comes upon Aragorn and the halflings after Frodo is stabbed on Weathertop?
5. What is Kirks brothers name?
6. In Star Wars (Episode IV: A New Hope), not including the Millennium Falcon, how many Rebel ships survive the attack on the Death Star (bonus points if you can recall what types of ships they were)?
7. In Babylon 5 (the original TV show) how many Techno-Mages are actually seen on camera?
8. What is a mud-die?
9. What does the H.P. in H.P. Lovecraft stand for?
10. What is Caliburn an older name for?
Im sure you can find all these answers on the internet, but go through them once and see how well you do. And if you have any real good questions (nothing too esoteric, ie, they should involve a commonly read/watched series), let me know.
Answers will be posted tomorrow.
Cheers,
-Jason
1. What is Benders last name?
2. In Dune (the original novel), what is the name of the Emperors house?
3. The Roman Legionnaires carried the gladius. What was the name of the longer sword used principally by the cavalry troops?
4. In the novel The Fellowship of the Ring, what is the name of the elf who comes upon Aragorn and the halflings after Frodo is stabbed on Weathertop?
5. What is Kirks brothers name?
6. In Star Wars (Episode IV: A New Hope), not including the Millennium Falcon, how many Rebel ships survive the attack on the Death Star (bonus points if you can recall what types of ships they were)?
7. In Babylon 5 (the original TV show) how many Techno-Mages are actually seen on camera?
8. What is a mud-die?
9. What does the H.P. in H.P. Lovecraft stand for?
10. What is Caliburn an older name for?
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
I Root for the Bigfoot
I happened across a commercial the other day for Jack Links Beef Jerky. It showed a couple of hikers eating said beef jerky who come upon Sasquatch (aka Bigfoot, the Yeti) and decide to play a practical joke on the creature. They go through with it, which results in the enormous Bigfoot attacking them.
I do not get these commercials. Why would you want to suggest that eating your product will make you do something stupid and potentially suicidal?
The kicker is that the Bigfoot is pretty much minding its own business when these guys decide to harass it and get beaten up. Personally, I root for the Bigfoot.
Now, I realize the commercials are trying to capture your attention (it did capture mine, though in a negative way), so they are attempting to be strange and off-beat. And apparently, it is working, as there are a bunch of these commercials on their website.
Now, if I happened upon a Bigfoot in the woods, my first thought would not to be to antagonize it. This would seem like a basic survival skill, along the lines of not kicking a pit bull, kissing a black mamba, or wrestling a zombot.
Jim Croce said it best: You dont tug on Supermans cape. You dont spit into the wind. You dont pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you dont mess around with 8-foot tall man-beasts who can use you as a fly swatter.
Actually, the song doesnt say that, but it seemed apropos.
Cheers,
-Jason
I do not get these commercials. Why would you want to suggest that eating your product will make you do something stupid and potentially suicidal?
The kicker is that the Bigfoot is pretty much minding its own business when these guys decide to harass it and get beaten up. Personally, I root for the Bigfoot.
Now, I realize the commercials are trying to capture your attention (it did capture mine, though in a negative way), so they are attempting to be strange and off-beat. And apparently, it is working, as there are a bunch of these commercials on their website.
Now, if I happened upon a Bigfoot in the woods, my first thought would not to be to antagonize it. This would seem like a basic survival skill, along the lines of not kicking a pit bull, kissing a black mamba, or wrestling a zombot.
Jim Croce said it best: You dont tug on Supermans cape. You dont spit into the wind. You dont pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you dont mess around with 8-foot tall man-beasts who can use you as a fly swatter.
Actually, the song doesnt say that, but it seemed apropos.
Cheers,
-Jason
Monday, October 1, 2007
The Adventures of Arin Asurance
Deputy Director Ferguson absently tapped his pencil on his desk as he frowned at his computer screen.
The intercom beeped.
Yes?
Agent Asurance to see you, sir.
Send her in.
Ferguson leaned back in his chair as Agent Arin Asurance entered his office, her pink hair shining brightly in the fluorescent light, and closed the door behind her.
Please take a seat, Agent Asurance.
Speaking of taking a seat, have you sat down to compare car insurance prices?
Ferguson sighed. Yes, Agent Asurance, I have. But were not here to talk about auto insurance, were here to talk about your performance.
But with Asurance, you always get great performance!
Ferguson raised an eyebrow. Were talking about you, Agent, not car insurance. He held up a hand to forestall her insurance-related comment. What was your last assignment, Agent?
I showed a bunch of people how to save money on car insurance!
No, actually, your last assignment was to stop Dr. Insano from activating his latest invention. Do you recall Dr. Insano, Agent?
I sure do! He saved time and money with Asurance!
Actually, yes he did. Then once you left, he disintegrated the Isle of Malta. Were you unclear on your orders, Agent?
No, sir! I tell everyone everywhere I go about Asurance!
Ferguson stared at Agent Asurance for a moment, drumming his fingers on his desk. Agent Asurance, you are a highly trained government operative with top secret clearance, access to the most sophisticated technology in the world and a license to kill. Dont you think it would be odd that we would send you out to tell people about car insurance?
But Asurance also covers boats, motorcycles, mopeds, scooters, snow mobiles, unicycles, and jet skis!
I guess not. Ferguson loosened his tie. Agent, if it were up to me, I would have you immediately removed from duty and confined to a psychiatric ward until our top doctors could figure out what was wrong with you. However, the Director likes you. Apparently, you saved him a bunch of money on his car insurance. Therefore, I will give you one last chance.
Ferguson picked up a file from his desk and tossed it to Agent Asurance. Doctor General Baron von Jones has escaped from prison and is rebuilding his organization. We dont know what his plan is, but if its anything like the last fourteen-times, he will be trying to construct any army of killer zombots. Find him, destroy his base, and bring him to justice. Any questions?
No, sir! Agent Asurance is on the case!
Good. Now remember Agent, youre a highly trained spy and assassin. Do not leave if he buys Asurance.
Right, Chief! Ill be sure to tell him about all the cash he can save with Asurance!
With that, Agent Asurance was out the door and gone. Deputy Director Ferguson leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples. The clock read 11:38. He reached for the intercom.
Sandy, Im going to take an early lunch.
But, Agent Watchtower is here to see you, sir.
Ferguson groaned and then took a deep breath. Send him in.
Morning, sir! said Agent Watchtower, as he opened the door. Can I offer you a pamphlet?
I hate my life, muttered Ferguson.
Cheers,
-Jason
The intercom beeped.
Yes?
Agent Asurance to see you, sir.
Send her in.
Ferguson leaned back in his chair as Agent Arin Asurance entered his office, her pink hair shining brightly in the fluorescent light, and closed the door behind her.
Please take a seat, Agent Asurance.
Speaking of taking a seat, have you sat down to compare car insurance prices?
Ferguson sighed. Yes, Agent Asurance, I have. But were not here to talk about auto insurance, were here to talk about your performance.
But with Asurance, you always get great performance!
Ferguson raised an eyebrow. Were talking about you, Agent, not car insurance. He held up a hand to forestall her insurance-related comment. What was your last assignment, Agent?
I showed a bunch of people how to save money on car insurance!
No, actually, your last assignment was to stop Dr. Insano from activating his latest invention. Do you recall Dr. Insano, Agent?
I sure do! He saved time and money with Asurance!
Actually, yes he did. Then once you left, he disintegrated the Isle of Malta. Were you unclear on your orders, Agent?
No, sir! I tell everyone everywhere I go about Asurance!
Ferguson stared at Agent Asurance for a moment, drumming his fingers on his desk. Agent Asurance, you are a highly trained government operative with top secret clearance, access to the most sophisticated technology in the world and a license to kill. Dont you think it would be odd that we would send you out to tell people about car insurance?
But Asurance also covers boats, motorcycles, mopeds, scooters, snow mobiles, unicycles, and jet skis!
I guess not. Ferguson loosened his tie. Agent, if it were up to me, I would have you immediately removed from duty and confined to a psychiatric ward until our top doctors could figure out what was wrong with you. However, the Director likes you. Apparently, you saved him a bunch of money on his car insurance. Therefore, I will give you one last chance.
Ferguson picked up a file from his desk and tossed it to Agent Asurance. Doctor General Baron von Jones has escaped from prison and is rebuilding his organization. We dont know what his plan is, but if its anything like the last fourteen-times, he will be trying to construct any army of killer zombots. Find him, destroy his base, and bring him to justice. Any questions?
No, sir! Agent Asurance is on the case!
Good. Now remember Agent, youre a highly trained spy and assassin. Do not leave if he buys Asurance.
Right, Chief! Ill be sure to tell him about all the cash he can save with Asurance!
With that, Agent Asurance was out the door and gone. Deputy Director Ferguson leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples. The clock read 11:38. He reached for the intercom.
Sandy, Im going to take an early lunch.
But, Agent Watchtower is here to see you, sir.
Ferguson groaned and then took a deep breath. Send him in.
Morning, sir! said Agent Watchtower, as he opened the door. Can I offer you a pamphlet?
I hate my life, muttered Ferguson.
Cheers,
-Jason
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