Knots

A buddy of mine at work brought in a book of knots the other week. No, the book was not made of knots, rather it’s an instructional guide on how to make them. Knots, not books.

So during load times or any other period when nothing else is going on (meetings, many conversations, driving, etc), I’ve been practicing knot-making on a piece of cord that used to be the cinch on an old pair of sweatpants. So far, I’ve mastered the Alpine Loop, the Bowline, the Half-Crab, the Albatross Split, the Noose, the Klingon (both Plain and Fancy), and the Reticulating Hair.

Yes, I made some of those names up. No, I won’t tell you which ones.

NOTE: I actually already knew how to make a noose. Thing is, for the life of me I can’t remember where or how I learned it. It’s not terribly complicated knot and I remember making them when I was a ten-ish. I used to hang them from the ceiling to scare the other kids in the ward. The orderlies always got mad at me and sometimes the doctors would increase the dosage on my meds, but that never really stopped me. Good ol’ ward 12. The fun we used to have.

I’m actually starting to really enjoy the knot-making. They’re really just little puzzles. Once you figure out how the knot works, you can see how the loops connect and how you could (hypothetically speaking) use it to strangle a werewolf. Or just some random hairy person.

However, knot-making is a rather useless skill for me, as I rarely venture outside and the computer game industry is not one where you have to secure things with rope on a regular basis. It would be so much cooler if it did.

You’d be at your desk, busily typing away, and suddenly your boss would run into the area and yell ‘We’ve got worm sign! Batten down the monitors and grab your harpoons!”

We’d all leap to our feet (Metaphorically. Computer gaming types don’t generally move quickly) and secure our equipment with a series of intricate knots, then don our slickers and protective eyewear while singing a rousing sea-chanty. Something like ‘yo ho ho and a bottle of Dew!’

And then we’d saddle our trusty war-yaks and go throw harpoons at the giant worms that were trying to eat our mouse pads.

That would be so cool.

And yes, the doctor said I was fine and didn’t need my meds anymore. The fact that he woke up in a room full of nooses had nothing to do with it.

Cheers,
-Jason

A Hell of a Week

It's been a long, long week. I've been so busy that I literally sit down in the morning and don't get up except to eat, go to the bathroom, or chase someone down. No screwing around. No inane conversations. Just a constant stream of things to be done.

I even said a bad word today (it rhymed with 'duck'). There was this thing that I proposed doing that, if I say so myself, was brilliant. Just as it was coming together, reality decided to butt-in and make it completely non-viable. It was then that I said the word I mentioned earlier.

I ended up glaring at my computer for a minute while I thought furiously about how to salvage my wonderous plan. I think I said another bad word (it mostly rhymed with 'fit.').

Nothing came of my glaring and I ended up saying a third word (which rhymed with 'tartar sauce.')

However, I eventually did figure out a solution, so my plan was saved. Now I just need to get through tomorrow and I can have a nice relaxing weekend of killing stuff in WoW.

Cheers,
-Jason

Mayhap Murder

I work in a large cube-farm with offices lining the walls. I am fortunate in that I am in one of the wall offices with a window. I am not so fortunate that I share it with two other people, one of whom smells.

No, honestly, he doesn’t smell. He does mutter a lot though and he covets my mouse pad. God help him if he touches my mouse pad! It has a picture of a kitten on it. With a machine gun. Hence the coveting.

Okay, I’ll stop there. They’re both really good guys and there’s no coveting or smelling or inappropriate touching or muttering or holding of one’s pets for ransom. It is, all in all, a harmonious arrangement. Baking, of all things, sometimes happens.

NOTE: I have no idea if they read these. Let’s hope for a ‘no.’

However, one thing that kinda bugs me is when I pass one of them in the hall. We normally do this at least two or three times as day, as we all having meetings and stabbings to attend. The first pass of the day, we usually say ‘hi.’ The second pass, we generally nod. If it happens a third time, there are embarrassed smiles.

The fourth time though, we have no idea what to do. We just kinda avert our eyes and pretend not to notice each other, even though one of us has obviously just taken the last donut from the kitchen. It’s downright awkward with extra ‘awk.’

We have literally run out of socially acceptable ways to acknowledge each other’s presence. I fear that one day, we may pass a fifth time. I have no idea what will happen. Fists may fly. Tears may be shed. One of us might well scream and throw ourselves out the nearest window. This isn’t quite as bad as it sounds, as we are on the first floor, but still.

It’s weird. I can literally work 10 hours within arm’s reach of them and not notice they’re there. It’s like we all have our own private nerd cocoons. Yet passing them in the hall could someday result in murder. Or at least, a spilled Diet 7-Up.

Cheers,
-Jason