Yet Another Great Idea

I have yet another great idea. It’s so simple it’s brilliant. And so brilliant it just might be insane. And so insane, it might actually wrap back around to simple again. It’s like the Circle of Life, only it involves a lot more hysterical laughter.
Shouting ‘you fools!’ is optional.

And here it is: self-cleaning bathrooms.

‘What?’ you may say, followed quickly by ‘madness!’ But let me assure you, it’s brilliant. See the first paragraph for an affirmation of this.

So, here’s what you do. You tile your entire bathroom (you may use linoleum if you prefer) and install a drain. Next, remove the whirly arm thingies and the soap dispensers from multiple dish washers and install them in the ceilings and walls, hooking them up to the water system and a big button just outside the bathroom that says ‘CLEAN.’

Then, when you want to clean your bathroom, you simply add soap, shut the door, and press the button. Your bathroom will then go through an entire wash cycle, spraying high-pressure water and soap all over every surface, rinsing it off, and then drying the whole place.

It would save time, money, and effort. As an additional bonus, you could put children, pets, patio furniture, appliances, and if your bathroom is big enough, motorcycles. And yes, you could even put the dishes in there.

Like I said, brilliant.

Strangely enough, I had this idea while cleaning my bathroom last weekend. My brother is coming for a visit, so I figured I should at least get rid of anything that can actually move. Everything else is negligible.

He’s my brother. He’s not particularly squeamish.

On the plus side, I found my Swiffer, so I swiffered the hell out of my kitchen floor. I then discovered that you can swiffer a wall too. Now everything smells like lemons and rotting flesh.

NOTE: There’s a zombie in the closet. No, I don’t know how or why, but he had my Swiffer, which explains both the smells.

Anyway, feel free to install a self-cleaning bathroom. However, I make no guarantees as to the safety, efficiency, or sanity of such a project.

And I’m not sure if ‘swiffer’ is really a word. I’m just sayin’.

Cheers,
-Jason