Tuesday, February 12, 2013


I had an epiphany the other day, a startling moment of clarity that laid bare the secrets of the cosmos, like a giant, space turkey on Thanksgiving Day. A turkey made out of knowledge with the stuffing of wisdom and mashed potatoes of . . . uh . . . smartness.

Yet, before I could write it all down, I promptly forgot. And in all honesty, my handwriting is terrible, so even if I could have written it down, I probably wouldn’t be able to read it later.

‘And the secret of life is . . . ques . . . wait, is that an ‘s?’ Squash? The secret of life is squash? But there’s a ‘t’ in there. I think.’

So, yes. Mostly useless.

Anyway, my other, smaller epiphany was that I might, in fact, be an adult.

I’m not sure why this suddenly occurred to me. It might have been when our newest dev came into the office and I thought it was ‘bring your kid’ to work day. I almost asked him if he was looking for his dad. Seriously, he’s just out of college and he looks 12. I have dice that are older than him.

It then occurred to me that I might be an actual, honest-to-god old per- adult. I quickly made a list of the adult things that I do.

  • I live on my own and pay my own bills. The Spiderman checks are optional, but well worth it.
  • I can feed myself. Yes, a bowl of Captain Crunch counts, though my mother might object.
  • I have an interest in politics and have strong opinions that I will share on the subject. Hint: they’re all wankers.
  • I (begrudgingly) pay my taxes.
  • I buy my own groceries (see the Captain Crunch above), do my own laundry, and clean (more or less) on my own.
  • I own a fully-paid for vehicle that people keep insisting on rear-ending (five times and I was not moving any of those times).
  • I go to the dentist of my own free will.
  • Sometimes, things hurt for no apparent reason.
  • I complain bitterly about the youth of today and their terrible music.
  • The girl at the Baja Fresh calls me ‘sir.’
  • When purchasing a product, I compare and contrast it with others of a like nature and then make a rationale and informed decision. Meaning I buy the blue one.
  • When I quote ‘Airplane’ at work, only 4 or so people get it and it was made before two of them were born.

So, yeah. I think I might be an adult. Though, I did shout ‘Damn you, Red Skull!’ when reading a comic the other day.

Let’s just call it ‘adult-ish.’


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