Without a doubt, burgers are one of my favorite foods. If I
try a new restaurant, the first thing I get is always a burger, with the logic
that if they can’t do a burger right, I’m not going to trust them to do
anything else.
Now everyone knows that the burger is one of mankind’s
oldest foodstuffs. Early hunter-gatherer’s made primitive burgers out of
mammoth, which they roasted over an open fire. Coincidentally, this is the
first known barbeque as well. Burgers are mentioned in several great works,
including Beowulf, the Canterbury Tales, several of Shakespeare’s plays, and
issue #4 of Batman.
NOTE: The preceding paragraph is completely untrue.
So, unsurprisingly, I found myself at a burger place for
lunch last Saturday and I ordered my usual: a tripe decker with extra cheese
and only one slice of bacon, as I’m trying to lose some weight. However, after
the third bite, a tragedy occurred. I had a burger explosion. All the meat went
out the back end and I found myself holding two pieces of heavily condimented
bread.
I said a bad word that rhymes with ‘harpsichord’ and attempted
to reintegrate my lunch into something resembling a proper burger. This was not
particularly successful and I had to resort to using a knife and fork.
“Harpsichord!” I said to myself as I ate. “What I need is
some sort of burger glue.”
I paused, mid-bite, to ponder this idea. Not only would
burger glue make consuming a burger an even better experience, it would also
make a great name for a band.
Now, I’m not calling this ‘yet another great idea’ as I have
no idea how to achieve it. I’m thinking we need to invent some sort of sticky
yet delicious condiment that would hold the burger together as well as enhance
the flavor. Something like Elmer’s Mustard or Krazy Ketchup.
Anyway, somebody out there needs to figure this one out, as
it will revolutionize the burger industry.
Oh, and if you use ‘Burger Glue’ for your band name, I get
10%.
Cheers,
-Jason
8 comments:
So are you guys ever going to resume this thing, let alone doing so on a regular basis? You've done what, 18 panels in the last two and a half years?
Burger glue would go against about thirty years of marketing policy. Ever since Burger King came up with their "takes two hands to handle a whopper" slogan, burger and fast foot joints have out-done themselves making messy burgers. No matter what the name on the sign out front, the burgers are on slightly undersized buns with the condiments asymmetically placed off-center so that it's nearly impossible to eat it, even with two hands, without the burger coming apart. It creates the illusion of a bigger burger.
i ordered a "garbageburger" at a burger king once, the guy at the counter got indignant, "we callit a whopper" i told him "i'm paying for it, i'll call it what i please".
"1911a1"? i've got several of those kicking around my gun locker.
I think the trick to eating burgers without glue is to flatten them as much as possible, and then hold both your hands on the other side, with your mouth acting like the third point of a triangle. Leaving no escape for the delicious meat!
And I guess it would help to not eat triple burgers, but I guess you do what you gotta do.
Does this mean you're too old to resume WM? Or are you just waiting on the new glasses? And yes, I'm probably that old too. I have trifocals and have had for three years now.
I've been checking regularly on updates and even put your comic on my favorite list. I guess I'll wait one more week, then I'll ditch you if nothing has happened. Too bad, because I liked both the story and the art and would have followed with pleasure.
Well, we've done more than 18 panels, but we will probably be on hiatus for a while longer.
Interesting point, Brolin1911a1. Yet there's nothing that says you can't take your own burger glue in with you. Unless, of course, they put up signs not to do that.
Good one, gunner :)
Interesting advice, Gillsing :)
Well, the sticking point is the art :) There's much more written than has been drawn, but it takes a lot longer to draw it.
Well, sorry to see you go, Anon, but please come on back when we're able to update :)
"NOTE: The preceding paragraph is completely untrue." [my emphasis]
You know, I take issue with that statement - there were definitely burghers in the Canterbury Tales
:D
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