Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Burger Glue

Without a doubt, burgers are one of my favorite foods. If I try a new restaurant, the first thing I get is always a burger, with the logic that if they can’t do a burger right, I’m not going to trust them to do anything else.

Now everyone knows that the burger is one of mankind’s oldest foodstuffs. Early hunter-gatherer’s made primitive burgers out of mammoth, which they roasted over an open fire. Coincidentally, this is the first known barbeque as well. Burgers are mentioned in several great works, including Beowulf, the Canterbury Tales, several of Shakespeare’s plays, and issue #4 of Batman.

NOTE: The preceding paragraph is completely untrue.

So, unsurprisingly, I found myself at a burger place for lunch last Saturday and I ordered my usual: a tripe decker with extra cheese and only one slice of bacon, as I’m trying to lose some weight. However, after the third bite, a tragedy occurred. I had a burger explosion. All the meat went out the back end and I found myself holding two pieces of heavily condimented bread.

I said a bad word that rhymes with ‘harpsichord’ and attempted to reintegrate my lunch into something resembling a proper burger. This was not particularly successful and I had to resort to using a knife and fork.

“Harpsichord!” I said to myself as I ate. “What I need is some sort of burger glue.”

I paused, mid-bite, to ponder this idea. Not only would burger glue make consuming a burger an even better experience, it would also make a great name for a band.

Now, I’m not calling this ‘yet another great idea’ as I have no idea how to achieve it. I’m thinking we need to invent some sort of sticky yet delicious condiment that would hold the burger together as well as enhance the flavor. Something like Elmer’s Mustard or Krazy Ketchup.

Anyway, somebody out there needs to figure this one out, as it will revolutionize the burger industry.

Oh, and if you use ‘Burger Glue’ for your band name, I get 10%.



Anonymous said...

So are you guys ever going to resume this thing, let alone doing so on a regular basis? You've done what, 18 panels in the last two and a half years?

brolin1911a1 said...

Burger glue would go against about thirty years of marketing policy. Ever since Burger King came up with their "takes two hands to handle a whopper" slogan, burger and fast foot joints have out-done themselves making messy burgers. No matter what the name on the sign out front, the burgers are on slightly undersized buns with the condiments asymmetically placed off-center so that it's nearly impossible to eat it, even with two hands, without the burger coming apart. It creates the illusion of a bigger burger.

"gunner" said...

i ordered a "garbageburger" at a burger king once, the guy at the counter got indignant, "we callit a whopper" i told him "i'm paying for it, i'll call it what i please".
"1911a1"? i've got several of those kicking around my gun locker.

Gillsing said...

I think the trick to eating burgers without glue is to flatten them as much as possible, and then hold both your hands on the other side, with your mouth acting like the third point of a triangle. Leaving no escape for the delicious meat!

And I guess it would help to not eat triple burgers, but I guess you do what you gotta do.

mamafrog said...

Does this mean you're too old to resume WM? Or are you just waiting on the new glasses? And yes, I'm probably that old too. I have trifocals and have had for three years now.

Anonymous said...

I've been checking regularly on updates and even put your comic on my favorite list. I guess I'll wait one more week, then I'll ditch you if nothing has happened. Too bad, because I liked both the story and the art and would have followed with pleasure.

Jason Janicki said...

Well, we've done more than 18 panels, but we will probably be on hiatus for a while longer.

Interesting point, Brolin1911a1. Yet there's nothing that says you can't take your own burger glue in with you. Unless, of course, they put up signs not to do that.

Good one, gunner :)

Interesting advice, Gillsing :)

Well, the sticking point is the art :) There's much more written than has been drawn, but it takes a lot longer to draw it.

Well, sorry to see you go, Anon, but please come on back when we're able to update :)

Sleepymancer said...

"NOTE: The preceding paragraph is completely untrue." [my emphasis]

You know, I take issue with that statement - there were definitely burghers in the Canterbury Tales