Tuesday, July 31, 2012


So, it seems Michael Phelps has won something like 10,000 medals. They are apparently proactively just awarding him medals from future Olympics to save time and effort. He can’t actually wear them all at one time, as their combined weight would pull him through the Earth’s mantle into the magma beneath.

Which, honestly, he’d probably just swim through and get another couple dozen medals.

Now, I’m not trying to say Phelps doesn’t deserve all these medals. This is a man that could probably do forty laps backwards while carrying a goat before I worked up the courage to jump in.

NOTE: To my knowledge, any body of water larger than a bathtub contains sharks. Now, I’m not afraid of sharks, it’s just that I have to go in with a Garand and a scuba tank. Just in case.

It just seems that there are a lot of medals to be won in swimming. I mean, it’s like they get medals for getting off the bus. Finish brushing your teeth first? Medal. Eat all your peas? Medal. Level your Hunter in WoW? Medal.

Other sports in the Summer Games aren’t like this. There’s only one medal at the end for boxers and they have to pummel other human beings for the honor. Kayaking? Only one. Gymnastics? I think there’s two: individual and team.

And then there’s the Decathalon. Ten separate events . These guys have to run, jump, climb, leap, run some more, wrestle a bear, jump again, slap a carp, sing an old sea shanty, and dance a jig. And only if they did all of these things sufficiently well do they get a medal.

It just kinda seems a little unfair.

Now, if there was sharks in the pool during the events, they could have all the medals they wanted. The swimmers, not the sharks. Though, I suppose if a shark got a swimmer, they should get a medal too.

It would only be fair.



Rahel Sewell said...

I agree completely. There's only so many things one can do while swimming and I'm pretty sure that not all of them warrant a medal. XD
OH!! And dude, yes. Swimming pools are horrible for me too. Mostly because of the shrieking ells, though....

Jason Janicki said...

I wouldn't mind the shrieking eels so much if they just toned it down a notch or two :)

RonF said...

Ah, negatory on gymnastics. There's the team medal, the all-around medal, and then medals in each individual event. Theoretically you can win at least 6 medals if you're on the gold-medal winning team.

Jason Janicki said...

Ah - didn't know that. Thanks, RonF!