Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Ghost of Processors Past: Part 2

Why would computers fear Leigh’s house? I don’t know. I doubt any man of flesh can truly understand the inner workings, the very thoughts of a computer.

NOTE: Actually, the engineers that made them probably have a pretty good idea. And some programmers. And that one guy at the Best Buy sounded like he knew what was going on. So yeah, plenty of people.

But let me posit this: what would a computer, a processor, fear?

The answer is simple: the vengeful spirit of a dead computer.

Imagine a computer pushed to the very limit. A computer forced to process something truly horrific, like a video of a drunk guy singing a Lady Gaga song and trying to dance. And what if that was all it did, hour after hour, day after day? That same video, on an endless loop, until it burned out.

Would that computer not go mad in a Poe, ‘hears a heart through the floorboards’ kind of way?

I think that’s what happened. Some poor computer was tortured to death by bad YouTube videos and died. And now, its ghost lingers in Leigh’s spare room. Other computers sense it, of course. The strong ones survive, but the weak ones . . . well, they don’t make it.

They are consumed by a tide of pure, binary fear.

Wow. That made no sense, but man it sounds good.

So, to sum up: Leigh has ongoing computer troubles. I hypothesized that his house is haunted by the spirit of an insane computer. Realistically, Leigh probably has just had a run of bad luck with hardware.

I like my explanation better, though.



Insectoid said...

ROFL!! XD Just wait... I'll drive alllllll the way up there and whip Leigh's computer into shape!

I kid; that's like 1000 miles. Can't afford to fly, either. But I could whip it into shape. Computers fear me, you see.

My computers know that I am an advanced user, and so they are very wary; if I start talking about upgrading, they start behaving badly. As if the processor or memory would rather DIE than be replaced!

And because of (or perhaps completely independent of) this, I do all troubleshooting, repairs, and upgrades myself. I have a feeling that my computer would surely start laughing at me if I got on the phone with Tech Support. Or at least cluck like a chicken.


Gillsing said...

My computer has a rattling fan and a whistling fan one of the two hard drives seem to have a hard time keeping files in certain sectors. I should've upgraded a couple of years ago, but that didn't happen, and now I guess I might just hang on to the computer I've got until I experience my first hard drive failure. (Please don't let that happen though. All those files... Oh, the digitality!)

Jason Janicki said...

Okay, Insectoid. When we're millionaires, we'll hire you to be our tech guy :)

Yeah, my old machine's HD crapped out about six months ago. I bought a new HD, but then the processor went a month later. Back-up religiously is all I can say :)