Krunk Funny!: Part 2

Wait, where was I? Oh yes . . .

So what kind of comedy would orcs prefer? I’m going to guess that keen observational comedy or political satires really aren’t their thing. I would suspect that their tastes run to simpler fair. Think broad physical humor such as Abbot and Costello. Only as orcs. With swords. And one of them dies at end.

Simple word plays would also probably prove very popular.

“Knock knock.

Who’s there?

The orc.

The orc who?

The orc who’s going to kill you, desecrate your remains, and then burn down your home!”

Though not really comedy, I would imagine that sleight-of-hand would also go over very well.

“And now, sawing a Man in half!” Proceeds to saw a Man in half to riotous cheering.

Despite its simple structures and penchant for bloodletting and outright savagery, I would hesitate to call orc comedy lowbrow. I would imagine there would be a delicate undercurrent to their work, an almost melancholy air as the orc comedians struggle to define and illuminate the rich culture and history of their people. Their examinations of cherished orc traditions, their (perhaps unsubtle) views of the world hold up a mirror to the orc peoples and ask ‘Is this all we are? Can we not find a place where we can all live in peace?’

Actually, no. I’m totally messing with you. Orc comedy basically revolves around orcs killing others and each other horribly. And yes, I majored in English (hence the truly amazing b.s. of the preceding paragraph).

If I had to guess, I would say the Mouth of Sauron got his start as a comedian:


Cheers,
-Jason

Krunk Funny!: Part 1

I was thinking about orcs the other day. I don’t know why I do this. Most people think about sane things like mortgages, their jobs, getting braces for Junior, and lawn care. Me, orcs. And stormtroopers. And Cthulhu waking up after untold millennia of sleep, checking his watch and going ‘Crap! I overslept by three thousand years!’ and rushing off to get his tentacles waxed.

But, as is typical, I digress.

So, orcs. I was wondering, in those moments in betwixt fighting, eating, making more orcs, and the civic light opera, what do orcs do for fun? My first thought was ‘macaroni ducks,’ but they’d probably just eat the macaroni and the paste (and frankly, the paper plates). Also, lacking fridges, they would have no real place to display them. Not to mention the fact that they probably don’t know what a duck looks like. If they ever got that far into the process, they’d probably just end up making ‘macaroni orcs’ and then get into a fight over whose was better.

NOTE: Macaroni Saurons could be a nice alternative.

Then it hit me: stand-up comedy. Other than a good sense of humor and the ability to shout, you don’t really need any equipment. Unless, of course, you were a prop comic, in which case you’d just need a variety of severed heads, of which there would probably be dozens just lying around.

Tomorrow: Part 2

This is Cool

This went 'round work the other day and I though it was very, very cool. I didn't even know you could do stuff like this on a bicycle.

It starts out rather slow, but give it a minute. It gets better . . .


Cheers,
-Jason

San Diego Comic Con!

As you might have noticed, Leigh and I have been accepted at the San Diego Comic Con!

We will be there all four days, hawking our wares and being generally overwhelmed by the near-endless tides of people. I am both excited and stunned by getting in, as I was pretty sure we wouldn't. I don't know why not, I just kind of assumed that we wouldn't.

Seriously. I honestly thought we wouldn't.

Imagine my surprise when I got the envelope. My first thought was 'Holy crap! We got in!' followed closely by 'Holy crap, we need a flight, hotel, more comics, more bookmarks, a rental car, and an actual camera for taking pictures!'

I then fainted, only to be awakened by a dog peeing on me.

Anyway, there will be more info upcoming (and don't forget, we'll be at the Olympia Comics Festival next month). Look for an update to Art the Wanderer on Monday and a new page on Tuesday.

Cheers,
-Jason

The Isthmus Gland

If you watch any television at all, you will probably have noticed a plethora of commercials for a variety of ‘magical’ weight loss products. All of these commercials claim that if you take their supplement and ‘eat right and exercise,’ you’re practically guaranteed* to lose weight.

*Supplement is only to be used under a doctor’s orders. Studies have shown that the supplement, if combined with diet and exercise, will cause weight loss. The supplement is just that good. Seriously. The diet and exercise have almost nothing to do with it. Because everyone knows, diet and exercise just won’t cut it. You need a REALLY expensive pill to provide the real weight loss magic.

These supplements generally claim to stimulate some portion of the anatomy, but the funny thing is, they never claim to stimulate the same part. One pill flexes your adrenal glands, another constricts your duodenum, while yet another gets your pituitary in a headlock and makes it produce whatever the hell a pituitary produces.

NOTE: I love the word ‘duodenum.’ It’s (almost) my favorite body part. I don’t actually know what it does, though I like to think it makes us unpalatable to hostile aliens intent on consuming the human race for food.

You’d think that that if there were a magic weight loss organ, modern science would have found it and used it to make boatloads of cash. “Eat all you want” the ads would blare. “We’ll just hyper stimulate your Isthmus Gland and you’ll never gain a pound.” And while they’re at it, they’ll tickle your Fjord Prospect and you’ll grow three inches, while gently caressing your Hippo Conflux to make you irresistible to super models.

Obviously, the thing that actually works is eating right and exercising. But that’s boring and difficult, which is how these companies make their money.

Though having your Fjord Prospect ticked sounds like a good time.

Cheers,
-Jason

I Got Nothin'

No funny today. Funny tomorrow. Long day. Very tired. Sleep now.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Cheers,
-Jason

TNG

A buddy of mine turned me onto these Star Trek: TNG shorts. The maker has recut TNG episodes for, how shall I say, comedic value. They're weird, but some of them are staggeringly funny.

Be warned, some are not work safe. Or safe for children. Or dogs. Or your brain, for that matter.

There are a lot more of these on YouTube, but here's a sample:


Cheers,
-Jason