The Isthmus Gland

If you watch any television at all, you will probably have noticed a plethora of commercials for a variety of ‘magical’ weight loss products. All of these commercials claim that if you take their supplement and ‘eat right and exercise,’ you’re practically guaranteed* to lose weight.

*Supplement is only to be used under a doctor’s orders. Studies have shown that the supplement, if combined with diet and exercise, will cause weight loss. The supplement is just that good. Seriously. The diet and exercise have almost nothing to do with it. Because everyone knows, diet and exercise just won’t cut it. You need a REALLY expensive pill to provide the real weight loss magic.

These supplements generally claim to stimulate some portion of the anatomy, but the funny thing is, they never claim to stimulate the same part. One pill flexes your adrenal glands, another constricts your duodenum, while yet another gets your pituitary in a headlock and makes it produce whatever the hell a pituitary produces.

NOTE: I love the word ‘duodenum.’ It’s (almost) my favorite body part. I don’t actually know what it does, though I like to think it makes us unpalatable to hostile aliens intent on consuming the human race for food.

You’d think that that if there were a magic weight loss organ, modern science would have found it and used it to make boatloads of cash. “Eat all you want” the ads would blare. “We’ll just hyper stimulate your Isthmus Gland and you’ll never gain a pound.” And while they’re at it, they’ll tickle your Fjord Prospect and you’ll grow three inches, while gently caressing your Hippo Conflux to make you irresistible to super models.

Obviously, the thing that actually works is eating right and exercising. But that’s boring and difficult, which is how these companies make their money.

Though having your Fjord Prospect ticked sounds like a good time.

Cheers,
-Jason