Blog Tomorrow

So, no blog today, though I will get something up tomorrow. I spent 45 minutes writing one and then looked at it and went 'wow, that's stupid.' And when I think something's too dumb to post, you better believe it.

Anyway, come back tomorrow, when I will post something that meets my (exceedingly) low standards.

In the meantime, enjoy a video about a real-life ghost sighting:


Cheers,
-Jason

Ghost FIGHTER!: Part 2

Granted, I really doubt that I’ll get to fight any ghosts. I mean, they’re hard enough to photograph, I kinda doubt I’ll be able to get one to engage in fisticuffs (ghosticuffs?) with me.

But this is beside the point.

The draw of the show will be in the spectacle of me talking trash at an ill-defined shadow in the corner, as I try to get it mad enough to take a swing at me. It would go something like this:

Bambi (the state-mandated ludicrously hot girl): Ummm, I think it’s in the room to your right.

Me: I don’t see anything.

Bambi: No, your other right.

Me: Still don’t see anything.

Bambi: No! Your OTHER right!

Me: I only have two choices here, Bambi. One has to be correct.

Bambi: Well, just look at the window!

Me: Okay.

Bambi: Wait a sec –in sotto voice- shake the tree!

Me: Your mike’s still on, Bambi.

Bambi: What?

Me: Nevermind. –assuming manly, announcer voice - Okay, there appears to be a wavering shadow outside the window. The uninitiated might presume it to merely be a tree branch, but we know better! - deep breath – All right! You! Outside the window! I don’t know why you’re haunting this abandoned hospital turned insane asylum and prison that was built on a Civil War Battlefield that also happened to be a Native American graveyard, but your days are numbered! I’m Jason Janicki, the Ghost FIGHTER!!! –some sort of metal chord plays- and I’m calling you out here and now! I’ll kick your ethereal behind so hard you’ll come back to life! And then I’ll kick your butt a second time! I’ll hurt you so bad, you won’t be able to haunt a litter box! I’m gonna grab ya and smack ya and-

Bambi: OH MY GOD!

Me: Good, aren’t I?

Bambi: Turn around! Turn the #@#$#$ AROUND!

Me: Hey! Kids watch this show!

Eldritch Horror that Feasts on the Screams of Men: Glaaaaargh!

Me: Well, catnuts!

I would then be the first person to get his butt kicked by a malevolent, otherworldly entity on camera. Needless to say, the ratings would be through the roof.

Cheers,
-Jason

Fire Bad!: Part 1

I happened to run across a show the other day about ghosts. Specifically, a house in the east was being haunted by the ghosts of Civil War soldiers. The bit I saw wasn’t really specific about which side the ghosts had been on, but apparently they were rather upset about something (possibly about being dead) and created a lot of mischief and generally just creeped everyone out.

The family seemed kind of embarrassed about the whole thing, but they did allow a film crew to camp out in their living room for three days as they tried to get footage.

I can imagine it went something like this:

Director: Quick! What was that!!!?

Father: Ummm, pretty sure that was a squirrel.

Director: Oh. A ghost squirrel?

Father: No, a regular, alive-type squirrel.

Director: Damn. Wait, what’s that noise?

Father: My wife’s hair dryer.

Director: A ghost hair dryer?

Father: Pretty sure, no.

Director: Shoot. Wait! Oh my god! What is that thing!!!?

Father: That’s my daughter.

Director: An undead-

Father: No! How long are you going to be here again?

Director: Until we get some decent footage.

Father: Oh, my bad. Yes, that’s the ghost of my poor, dead daughter.

Daughter: Daddy!

I’ve seen a couple of these shows and inevitably the announcer must make a somber announcement about how ghosts are created. Something like: ‘And when people die by violence or with a strong, negative emotion like anger, they can become ghosts.’

Well, duh.

But that seems to be rather broad criteria. I mean, if I died while watching a Barney video, I’d probably come back pretty pissed off as well.
Tomorrow: Part 2