Everybody Wins

Whilst at work the other day, one of my fellow designers mentioned a show he just saw. Apparently, they get a team of experts to decide who would win in a fight between historical warriors. Things like Spartan vs. Pirate or Caveman vs. Incontinent Doughboy, you know, the kind of arguments that men have had for centuries and game designers have on an almost daily basis.

NOTE: Just for the record, a Pink Ponysaurus would totally kick the ass of a Ptiny Pterodactyl. So there, Bob!

The thing is, they’re comparing historical figures and frankly, that’s just not satisfying. Sure, they can argue the merits of Knights vs. Numismatists, but that’s hardly relevant to our modern society.

What we really need, is a show that pits the people we love to hate against each other. I call it ‘Everybody Wins.’

In Everybody Wins, we would get a chance to see real life irritants duke it out for fame and glory. Think about it, who would you like to see in a ring, fighting?

Off the top of my head:
Litigation Lawyers
Internet Lawyers
Lawyers in General
Politicians
Computer Virus Creators
Bad Parkers (as in, people who park on the lines, rather than betwixt them)
Spammers

The viewing audience could nominate particular individuals, who would then be contacted and talked into appearing on the show. They would just have to fight three, three-minute rounds with their opponent using standard boxing rules. The winner gets some cash or something. The loser gets to be on TV. The viewing audience gets to see two people they hate hit each other. Everybody Wins.

Just mix in some announcers and it would be gold.

“And tonight, Jim, we have a fine matchup. Steve, the Virus Maker versus Al the Litigation Attorney.”

“This is going to be great, Bob. Both men are in the prime of their professional careers. Steve created the amazing ‘UR DUM’ virus while Al has won 23 consecutive frivolous lawsuits.”

“And there’s the bell, Jim! Steve is already out of his corner, swinging wildly!”

“Al is huddled in the corner! He’s blocking! Oh, he’s swinging too!”

“Both men are going at it! Nothing is connecting! It’s amazing! I have never seen a more inept display of the sweet science in my entire career!”

“Uh oh, the blows are coming slower now! Looks like they’re both spent after a mere 8 seconds of combat!”

“And now Al looks like he’s trying to get out of the ring! We can’t allow that, which is why we’re dropping the steel cage!”

“Well, that surprised both of them, Bob! They’re trying to pull the cage up now. They just want to get out!”

“We can’t have that! Release the wild boar!”

Admit it, you would totally watch that.

Cheers,
-Jason