Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The ‘Flu’

I walked into work this morning like normal, punched a mime, got some water, checked my email, fed the orca, y’know, all the usual things one does at one’s place of work if one happens to be a complete psycho.

After about fifteen minutes, I noticed . . . something. It took me a while to figure it out. At first, I thought maybe it was the lack of screaming, but that wasn’t it. Then I wondered if the coffee robot had broken again and everyone was asleep at their desks, but that wasn’t it either. Then I realized what it actually was: everyone was gone.


This had happened before. Sometimes, an emergency meeting will be called early in the morning and the whole studio will be in the big meeting room. So I wandered over and checked. Nope, no one was there either.

I passed one of the other designers. He was hurrying out the door, his hat and coat on.

“Hey, Volpar” I said.

He barely glanced at me. “Sick,” he said. “Gotta go home.”

“Ah,” I said, making a sign to ward off the evil spirits that had infected him.

And then Volpar was out the door. Leaving me alone again.

I began to wonder if I was the last man in the studio, if not the last man on the planet.

NOTE: I once saw a French movie about a man who was the last man in the world. Eventually, he met the last girl and then she died. There might have been a dog too. Needless to say, it was not a happy film.

So I did what anyone of us would do, which is why thirty minutes later, when a producer wandered by, I was building a crude shelter out of office supplies and not wearing any pants.

“Yo,” the producer said.

“Hi,” I responded.

We stared at each other in silence for a moment. He had enough wisdom not to ask why I was trying to make fire by rubbing two staplers together.

“So,” I finally said. “I kinda assumed I was the only one here.” I gestured at my crude barrier of paper boxes. “This was in case zombies attacked.”

“Makes sense,” he said. “You do know what today is, don’t you?”

“Is it my birthday?”

“I have no idea. It’s December 7th.”

I shrugged.

“Cataclysm went live today. Everyone called in sick so they could stay home and play.”

“Ah,” I said. “Why are we still here?”

“Good question.”