Rock the Vote: Part 2

The table was a dense mass of pamphlets and printouts that rose almost four-feet in height. The table was bowed slightly in the middle from all the weight.

“Name?” came a quavering voice from somewhere behind the stack.

“Jason Janicki, Grand Acolyte of the East, Master of Earth and Keeper of the Left-Hand Dragon.”

“One moment,” came voice again. There was the sound of paper rustling. A stack of paper quivered and then another, as if tiny paper moles were creating a serious of caverns beneath the piles in preparation for their inevitable attack on the surface world.

A paper emerged, held by a thin, old-person hand. “Here’s your ballet sheet and envelope. Deposit it in the black box when you’re done.”

I took the sheet, chest swelling with pride at the opportunity to vote and also from the liter of Coke I’d drunk on the way over. I made my way to a voting station and began to decipher the arcane symbols on the ballot. Apparently, I had to fill in some sort of ‘circle’ with a ‘pen’ using my ‘hand’ or ‘teeth’ next to the candidate or measure I wanted to ‘vote’ for.

I began the laborious process, trying to keep within the little lines. I erred, letting the black ink trail out and I cursed loudly, my vehemence melting part of the partition. I kept on, gritting my teeth as I filled in bubble after bubble. I started to sweat, which made my notes difficult to decipher. Soon, a small puddle of ink had formed under my arm and it occurred to me to remove my jacket and long underwear. Quite a show was had in the voting area that day.

After nearly ten-minutes of battle, I at last finished. I sealed my ballot within the provided envelope and dropped it in the large black box. A girl gave me a sticker, which I proudly displayed on my forehead. Making my way out of the building, I noticed Steve lingering by the door.

“Yo,” I said.

“We meet again,” Steve replied.

“Uh, yeah. What’s up?”

“I am, as the youth say, ‘waiting for my ride.’”

I stood in silence for a moment, letting the cool morning air rush across the cuts on my freshly shaved face. “You didn’t happen to be one of the ninjas that poisoned me last week, were you?”

“Most certainly,” he said, with a bow.

“I see.” I thought for a moment, which made my forehead crinkle and the sticker writhe in an interesting fashion. “Y’know,” I began. “Normally, I’d hit you with a brick and then give you a wedgie, but today is special.” I paused for dramatic effect and to think of something else to say. “Today, we voted.”

“Indeed.”

“Have a good day, Steve-san,” I said, nodding.

“And to you, Iron Polack-sama,” he replied bowing.

I considered just hitting with the brick anyway, but decided not to. I made my way to my truck, only to find that the stupid otter had used it as part of his damn. After a moment, I turned back to the school.

“Hey Steve. You mind giving me a ride?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.” I leaned against the wall next to the ninja. “You gonna try and poison me again tomorrow?”

Steve shrugged. “Probably.”

Cheers,
-Jason

Rock the Vote: Part 1

I pulled into Redmond Junior High, narrowly avoiding the otter that had chosen a really odd place to build a dam. I quickly found a parking spot and after a brief moment to survey my surroundings, I walked into the main hall.

The corridors were clean and neat, a welcome change from the dank, spider-infested Junior High that I attended. Or, at least, the place I was sent to against my will when I was 12. Then again, I might have gotten lost and hung out in a deserted castle for two-years. It was hard to tell.

I quickly located the polling place, mainly by reading the 317 signs with arrows that said VOTE on them pointing towards the library. The library itself proved to be full of people, many of whom appeared to be voting, but that was an assumption I wasn’t ready to make. All too often, when faced with a group of people seemingly doing what they appeared to be doing, I had made what I thought was a logical conclusion. Well, logic was a two-headed mistress, where one head was foul and breathed fire and the other resembled Richard Nixon.

I eventually entered the library and joined the queue, though I kept a sharp eye on my surroundings. My alertness paid off, as I immediately spotted a ninja next to me in line. Seeing as he was garbed in his traditional black ninja attire, it might not have been the greatest deduction in history, but it was all I had.

I nodded at the ninja. “Yo.”

He bowed politely. “Iron Polack-sama.”

I watched him for a moment, ready for the usual ‘kiai’ that preceded an attack, but he merely turned back to wait in line.

“What,” I eventually asked. “No attacking?”

“Not today, furry-one,” he replied. “Today is for voting. Tomorrow, we try to kill you again.”

“Huh.” I folded my arms. “So, what’s your name?”

“Steve, oh Myopic Master.”

“You know who you’re gonna vote for?”

“Of course.” Steve produced a Voter’s Pamphlet, with a puff of ninja smoke. “All necessary preparations have been made.” He opened the booklet and showed me the notes that covered the inside.

“Nice.” I rolled up my sleeve, exposing a rippling forearm with a dense mass of ball-point pen writing upon it. “I got my notes right here.”

“Most . . . impressive.” He gestured behind me. “Your turn.”