Surly, Acne-Ridden Twits

Before I stat this, don't forget about the Halloween image caption contest. I talked about it in yesterdays post, so you can read about it there or on the forums.

Here it is, my last Halloween blog, detailing one of my all-time favorite monsters.

Consider this: You are hanging out, going about your life, when you suddenly began to experience strange, often horrifying changes. You begin to eat more, your personality starts to change, and your clothes no longer fit. You want to stay out later and later and find yourself struggling to get out of bed in the morning. You find yourself looking at others, especially members of the opposite sex, differently. That girl or guy you would never have talked to before is suddenly strangely attractive, juicy, even.

Perhaps most alarming, hair begins to grow where there had been none before.

Ultimately, you wake up naked one morning with a horrible taste in your mouth, and no idea where you or your clothes might be.

It is then that the horrible, inconceivable truth hits you.

You have become a teenager.

No, really. You hit puberty and have become a teenager. What did you think I was talking about? Lycanthropy? Werewolves?

Please, teenagers are far more frightening than werewolves. For one thing, you can shoot a werewolf. You just have to put up with teenagers. I would far prefer dealing with a werewolf over a teen any day of the week.

For example:
Teenagers are always moody and temperamental. Werewolves only change once a month.

You can lock a werewolf in a cage when it starts to change. You cant really lock a kid up until he turns 20.

Werewolves act like wolves and are therefore predictable. There is no algorithm on earth that can predict how a teen will act.

Werewolves are vicious, bloodthirsty animals that wont think twice about ripping you to pieces. Teens have cell phones and wont think twice about running up your bill.

You rarely have to deal with a surly werewolf when ordering at McDonalds.

The good news is that teenagers will eventually grow up and become actual people. Unless, of course, werewolves and teenagers merge into wereteens. These would be adults who, a couple nights a week, revert to being surly, acne-ridden twits who just want to hang out at the mall and play video games.

Some things are just too horrible to contemplate.

Cheers,
-Jason