7 Days . . .

We need more square fruits and vegetables.

This revelation came about because a co-worker was describing in detail how he prepares a pineapple, complete with vigorous chopping motions. He also attempted to describe how to get the good bits off a mango, but was unable to adequately convey what must be done.

I presume I will never know and thus will die a horrible, slow death when I’m trapped in a pit full of mangos with a knife and no clue how to prepare them.

“A tragic waste,” one of the men who find me will say.

“If only he’d known,” another will say.

“Yes. If he’d just pulled on the door instead of pushing, he’d have easily gotten out.”

“Dibs on his shoes.”

Anyhow, the whole ‘square fruit and vegetable’ idea occurred to me because, as my coworker put it ‘round things are a bitch to chop up.’ At which point, I suggested that we make a square pineapple, which would make it much easier to skin and core.
Now, I realize this idea is not new. The Japanese have been growing square watermelons for years. I’m not exactly sure why. Presumably, they intend to build houses out of them.

NOTE: It would be so cool if they made watermelons in other configurations, such as an ‘L’ shape, an ‘I’ shape, and an ‘S’ shape. Then you could play watermelon Tetris.

Square fruits and vegetables would have so many advantages over the traditional shapes. They would be easier to stack, easier to peel, and they wouldn’t roll away in comedic fashion when they fell out of your grocery bag and you tried to pick them up. Man, if I had a dime for all the times that’s happened to me.

Actually, that’s never happened to me, so yeah. The stacking and peeling thing still stands though.

Cheers,
-Jason