The Tyranny of Mornings

There is this prevailing sentiment in society that getting up early is somehow a ‘virtue’ and that morning people are ‘go-getters’ and that if you, for example, don’t like to get up before noon, you’re somehow ‘lazy.’

I call ‘bs.’

My dad was a morning person and took an almost vicious delight in getting us kids out of bed early on the weekends. Hot sauce was once used and I have a distinct memory of my dad waking me up when I was very small (like 5 or 6) and asking me where my squirt gun was. I told him and went back to sleep, only to awaken ten minutes later to a scream. My dad had filled the squirt gun with ice water and used that to wake my brothers up. I was too young for manual labor, so I was spared.

Anyway, my point has always been that regardless of when you wake up, you still put in the same day as anyone else, it’s just darker. My dad used to get up at 6am, but he also went to bed at like 9:30. I like to go to bed at around 2am and get up . . . at some point when the sun is out. Let’s call it lunch-ish.

The problem is that getting up early is so ingrained in our culture as a good thing that even I fall victim to it. I had an appointment the other day in the early morning and prepped for it by getting up early for a few days before hand. Then, at one point, I thought to myself. “Wow, I’m getting so much done before lunchtime. I should get up early every day!”

I then got up, drove to the grocery store, purchased a fresh fish, drove home, and then slapped myself with it for saying that. In hindsight, that was a bad idea for two reasons: one, I wasn’t wearing pants; and two, fresh fish are expensive.

Now, sure, some people need to get up early for work. Farmers, bakers . . . the people who do other things . . . with stuff . . . in the morning.

I don’t know, I don’t get up early.

One would think that perhaps, in the era of computers and working from home and Amazon, it wouldn’t really matter when one got up in the morning. You can pretty much do anything at night you can do during the day, except maybe get a natural tan or see flowers blooming or go to the beach or . .

Okay, I kinda see the point.

However, this still doesn’t invalidate my core thesis: bears shouldn’t wear pants as- . . . wrong thesis. Ahem. Getting up early does not make one more productive or virtuous. 

Besides, if everyone got up early, there would be no one to keep the vampires at bay.

Cheers,

-Jason