Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Super Science Kung-Fu



So, there was an Ant-Man trailer that was up showing Ant-Man beating up a bunch of thugs using his size shifting power. However, it has been removed so there will be no visual aid for today’s blog.

Anyway, for the uninitiated (aka, those who had lives in high school), Ant-Man is one of the original Avengers. He invented a substance that allowed him to change his size and in keeping with his theme, a helmet that allowed him to control ants. Which begs the question: did he go for the whole ‘ant’ thing in the beginning or was he just banging around in the lab one day and accidentally figured out how to control ants? I dunno.

Now, in the trailer that is no longer viewable, Ant-Man sneaks into a base using his size-altering powers and then beats the tar out of two guards, going so far as to shrink down and then leap into one of the guard’s mouths to render a very up close and personal pummeling. Essentially, punching the guy out from the inside, as it were. 

He successfully takes out the two guards and looks pretty cool doing it. Score one (or two) for Ant-Man. This beat-down, however, raises a question for me: when did he learn to fight? I mean, he’s not just punching guys, he’s leaping about and dropping some serious kung-fu.

NOTE: I’m not questioning how he manages to alter his size. It’s his punching people that gives me a problem. Yes, my priorities are kinda weird.

Seriously, when did he learn to fight? I’m gonna guess that being a super-scientist takes up a lot of your time, so at what point did he learn how to kick ass on a professional MMA level? Was this a requirement at Super Science school? What did the curriculum look like?

Super Biology 203: Put the ‘M’ in Mutant
Super Chemistry 703: Explosions are your Friend
Super Physics A12: LASERS!
Kung-Fu 101: Punching People: A Primer

It’s just one of those things that bug (pun intended) me about super hero movies. Hitting people is not effortless and easy. In fact, if you do it wrong, you can break your hand. So where do they all learn this? Spider-Man gets a pass, as he’s really tough. Black Widow, Hawkeye, Thor, and Captain America all had training. The Hulk is, well, the Hulk. I did like that in Iron Man 2 they show Tony training.

Anyway, I’m as excited as the next nerd to see Ant-Man. And the Guardians of the Galaxy. And Avengers 3. Frankly Marvel, just make more movies. 

Cheers,
-Jason

3 comments:

Astrus said...

I'll admit I'm not familiar with Ant-Man, in fact this is the first I've heard of him.
Does this helm of his only allow him to control ants, or is he actually able to comunicate with them?

In the case of the latter he might have taken advantage of the insects' hive mind.

Plant several of them in Karate studios around town and have them report back with what the humans there were doing in order to learn how to beat each other up.

Yes, it's quite the stretch but we're talking about someone able to change his size at will here. And, I imagine, the size of his clothes too which is even weirder.

In fact this would have potential other uses too.
Need to track someone? Well, bug them [pun as intended as it is horrible] with an ant or two.
You have to find out where somethings being hidden? Have an ant in the room with the one who's going to hide the item while they consider themselves alone and have it show you afterwards.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to procure a large number of random chemicals and mix them.
If you hear of the guy making millions with size-changing clothes, that's probably me.
If you hear of someone blowing up half of Germany in a chemical freak accindent, that's probably me too...

Jason Janicki said...

I honestly don't know too much about Ant-Man either, Astrus. I think he mainly uses the helmet to sneak around and hitch rides on ants. He might've attacked people with ants too.

Personally, I'd have the ants fetch me things from the kitchen. And cheerleaders.

Cheers,
-Jason

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