Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Captain Myopia


Some of you might be familiar with the rich world of comics: the vast panoply of colorful costumes, outlandish origins, phenomenal powers, and staggering  . . . uh . . . stuff. If you’re not, well, they mostly consist of people in weird outfits hitting each other in a variety of ways. There are good guys and bad guys and sometimes they switch sides, occasionally multiple times. In all honesty, it’s a lot like pro-wrestling, save that the super-types don’t sweat as much.

I’m guessing it’s because it’s hard to draw sweat, but I digress.

NOTE: I’m very pleased with myself for getting ‘panoply’ in one shot.

Anyway, I was reading some comics the other day and a thought occurred to me: I would look horrible in a Power Girl outfit. Seriously. And as long as I’m being honest, I would look horrible in any costume, save perhaps for a suit of armor.

Actually, that was the second thought. My first thought was: I don’t think there are any heroes who wear glasses.

Oh, some of the science-y types like Reed Richards and Hank McCoy (aka: Beast), will sometimes wear glasses when they’re building guns that fire sharks with sledge-hammer wielding monkeys glued to them, but they don’t regularly wear them.

Clark Kent does wear them, but that doesn’t count, as its part of a disguise. I’ve never seen Superman wear glasses. Granted, I’ve also never seen a panel where Superman breaks wind, but there you go.

In all honesty, I can’t think of a single ‘super’ character that wears glasses or even contacts. Statistically speaking, one in some number of people wears glasses (it’s true, I looked it up), so it would make sense that at least some of the superheroes would need them.

So, as an MA (Myopic American), I would like to ask, nay, ask politely, for somebody to slap some specs on a super. Seriously.

And call him Captain Myopia.

Cheers,
-Jason

9 comments:

Rahel Sewell said...

That sounds awesome! If that super hero comic my sister and I want to write takes off, I will totally add this guy. =D
Glasses vaD Hoch!

Anonymous said...

This comic: http://www.grrlpowercomic.com/
You're welcome.
(Unfortunately, her name is not Captain Myopia.)

Anonymous said...

More 'mainstream' and perhaps older is Cyclops of the X-man who must wear glasses or a visor of somes ort or else...BOOM! I wonder if health plans cover solar powered concussive blasts from ones eyes. Hmmmmmmmmm...

LarryArnold said...

Spiderman

J. Alexander Van Belkum said...

Bubbles did for a while.

Personally, I'd love to see Captain Myopia with all eye-based powers that he can't use while wearing glasses. His vision is so bad that he can't see when he takes them off, though.

Oh, and Robin did in Witch Hunter Robin, but I'm not sure if that counts.

essetor 31

Jason Janicki said...

Sweet, Rahel. However, if you use Captain Myopia, you have to include his battle cry: 'I can't tell who you are!'

Oh yeah, GrrrlPower. One of my Monday favorites. Yes, Sydney does indeed wear glasses. Good catch!

I thought about Cyclops, but he has to wear glasses to keep from killing people. It's not like he can't read the menu at a McDonalds. He has perfect, but deadly, vision.

But does Spiderman wear glasses when he's Spiderman, LarryArnold? I think he's more of a Superman-style case where he wears them when he's being Peter Parker, but not when he's Spiderman, so it's more of a disguise. Feel free to prove me wrong :)

Good point, J. Alexander! Bubbles did for an episode, I think. Damn, I miss the PPGs. That was a sweet show :)

Rahel Sewell said...

Awesome! Will do. =)

Ed said...

Peter Parker wore glasses before he became Spiderman. Every origin story I've seen shows he lost that weakness when he became Spiderman.

Cyclops can't read the menu at a McDonalds without his visor. If he tries, that McDonalds won't *have* a menu. But, yeah, not due to myopia.

Jason Janicki said...

Cool, Rahel :)

True, Ed, Peter Parker did have glasses. And Cyclops is kind of a special case. He can see just fine, it's just that what he's looking at won't last long :)