Thursday, October 25, 2007

Unsexy Dead People

So, having talked about vampires yesterday, I thought today I would talk about mummies. I am not referring to Imhotep from the recent Mummy and the Mummy Returns (he was more of a sorcerer, really), but the classic 1932, Boris Karloff mummy of yore.

I gotta say, mummies never did much for me. Even as a kid, I keyed in pretty quickly on the fact that I could easily outrun one. Sure, the mummy is basically unstoppable and will pursue you for the rest of your life, but really, once the mummy shows up, all you have to do is move cross country and then you have another year or so before it shows up again. Sure, this would play havoc with your work and social life, but think of the mileage you would get out of it at parties.

Insufferable Jerk: I just took my company public, made a couple hundred mil, and bought a yacht, an island, and George Washingtons wooden teeth. How about you?

You: Well, its hard to concentrate on work when youre being relentlessly pursued by an unstoppable 3000-year old Egyptian pharaoh.

Supermodel: That is sooo cool.

Frankly, mummies are much less scary than your typical zombie. A zombie could have at least been someone you knew, whereas a mummy is just a dead guy.

However, this brings me to the single greatest idea I have ever had. A mummy is relentless. It never stops. It is the undead equivalent of the Energizer Bunny sans the drum.

Now here is the idea: Build a sturdy cage. Put a treadmill in it. Hook said treadmill up to your house, so that by using the treadmill, your house gets power. Lure the mummy into the cage and then lock it in.

Voila, you now have a permanent power source. As the mummy pursues you, it generates power. It never stops pursuing, so you basically have endless power. Once it gets going, you can just build a wall around it. You never even have to look at it.

Sometimes I amaze even myself.



Ariel said...

Brilliant! But you got one flaw in that plan: Where do you find an Unstoppable Mummy? You can find The Unstoppable Force at Alterac Valley's vendors, and The Stoppable Force as a random drop from Outland's monsters (I'm referring to WoW here). But neither items include mummies in them! This reminds me a question though- if the said mummy will pursue you forever, what happen if you block it's path with The Immovable Object?

Gillsing said...

Mummies in Neverwinter Nights can be pretty scary. Unless you happen to be immune to their fear effect, you run a rather high risk of losing all control of yourself and run into a corner and stand there while they slowly walk up to you and begin to... slam you.

Jason Janicki said...

Some very good questions there, Ariel. I believe that all mummies are actually unstoppable, you just have to tick them off enough. That being said, there are very few mummies left that haven't been ticked off. I would suggest China or Peru, not nearly as many people know about the mummies there.

Actually, the mummy will just walk around the object. They aren't the loudest ukeleles in the luau (I have no idea what that means), but I'm pretty sure they have some basic navigation skills :)

I had forgotten about the mummies in NN. I don't recall them ever giving me that much of a problem. Actually, the description you give sounds a lot like the ending of the Blair Witch Project. Strange movie, but not very scary. Just follow the river, idiots :)