Thursday, July 11, 2013

Time Flies

Tempus fugit, as the Romans would say. Though, in all honesty, I have no idea if they even said that. They might have said something like ‘time crawls twixt the nether regions of Zeus.’ They were Romans. It’s possible.

So, it’s been a little while since I blogged. You see, I lost a quarter at the park and have been looking for it ever since. Night after night you could find me in the park, wearing camouflaged lederhosen and waving a piece of traffic kill I found over my head on a stick. This, as all the experts will attest, is how one finds a quarter. At night. In a roughly 12 square mile park.

Y’know, now that I’ve typed it out, it does seem a little strange. Man, I really do miss that quarter though.

NOTE: I don’t know what it was that I had on the end of my stick. As far as I can tell, it had no less than three legs, though no more than six, when it was alive.

I also talked to an attorney. This may not surprise those of you who’ve read the previous paragraphs. Or any of my other blogs. Or talked to me. Ever. Yet, in actuality, he was a trademark attorney who was advising me on trademarkery for one of my schemes. Said scheme will ideally arrive next year in book form, assuming I can get about a 100 grand and I can find a left-handed Asian Elvis impersonator. No, I can’t tell you why.

In other news, I have a grey hair on my chest. Not terribly surprising, I know, but it was kind of a shock when I saw it. There I was, doing my pre-shower sanding whilst whistling a jaunty sea tune and I happened to notice a rather long gray hair in the exact middle of my chest next to the bullet hole. I immediately yanked it out as a warning to the others, but alas, more have cropped up. I may have to threaten them with a bottle of Nair or something.

Anyway, look to a new blog next week. I’m planning on continuing the Clown War saga, so weirdness will abound.



Lionhead Bookends said...

Threatening them with nair is sub-optimal. A better choice, perhaps, would be ionized plasma or an inverse antimatter cannon. That'll scare the pants off your hair, and give you a nice bronze tan, if you have to fire it to prove you're serious.

Now, if you get a grey hare on your chest, instead, you should probably keep it. I'm sure it'd be useful for something.

Anonymous said...

Romans would not have said "time crawls twixt the nether regions of Zeus." They would have said "time crawls twixt the nether regions of Jupiter." Your Latin is Correct though.

Jason Janicki said...

Pretty sure I don't have a hare on my chest. I think I would notice the poop.

You're right, Anon! At least I got the Latin correct ;)