Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Running And/Or Chasing

Long story short: I’ve taken up running.

. . . .

Okay, that didn’t quite fill up the page the way I’d hoped, so long story long.

NOTE: This all happened before I moved, just in case someone actually read an earlier blog and asks an obvious question.

So, there I was chasing a ninja. The little bastard ambushed me when I was making breakfast (ie, putting cereal in a bowl) and after a brief, but brutal, Captain Crunch-filled exchange, made a run for it. I ended up chasing him through the apartment complex with a box of cereal in one hand and a bust of Scipio Africanus in the other.

Yes, I have a bust of Scipio Africanus in my kitchen.

Needless to say, after about fifty-yards, I was gasping for air and reduced to the occasional rude gesture. The ninja decided to rub it in and run circles around me, doing that weird ‘arms straight back’ run they do and laughing.

Suffice to say I had the last laugh when a car backed into him. I had a last, last laugh when I hit him with the aforementioned bust as he was trying to get up.

Ultimately though, the entire incident was a humbling experience. Not only did a ninja laugh at me, I had been making breakfast while only wearing a pair of what one might call ‘whimsically’ decorated boxers that I’m sure my neighbors appreciated.
I decided then and there that I needed to get into better shape. Not only to catch ninjas, but to at least look decent when I end up in the parking lot at 9:00 am in my underwear and carrying the bust of a celebrated Roman general.

Anyway, I’ve been running for a couple of months now on the treadmills at the gym. I bought some nice running shoes, a pair of shorts and one of those high-tech shirts that somehow eats your sweat (or something). And I can honestly say that running is really, really boring.

Granted, road running might be more interesting, but I don’t want to run in the rain, so I’m reduced to treadmills at the gym. They have little TVs in them, but no speakers, so it’s really hard to read the closed-captioning while bouncing up and down (and gasping and swearing).

The whole trick, I understand, is to learn how to detach your brain and just let your body run. This seems to be harder than it sounds, as I have no trouble detaching my brain at any other time, say in meetings, while driving, pugilism, etc. However, actually trying to detach my brain is proving difficult. If anyone has any fool-proof methods, let me know.

Anyway, I haven’t had a chance to chase any ninjas lately, but hopefully the next time it happens he’ll be eating Roman marble faster than he can say ‘Hannibal.’



Gillsing said...

Are you sure that you're not supposed to connect some earpieces to those little TVs? And yeah, of course running is boring. That's why I don't do it. And that's why my legs and feet have begun to accumulate fluids. I should probably do something about that, but being outside is just so boring. And spending money to go to a gym seems so... Well, let's just say that I don't want to do that either.

Joel said...

I run, have for years. It's vastly more fun to run with other people because then you can try to run faster then them. :-) I recommend using to find a local running club.

Also, run outside. Running in the rain is kind of fun and you'll be perfectly warm because you'll be running. Running inside is duller then dirt.

Jay K. said...

The detachment you speak of occurs at different times/distances for everyone. It's quite possible that you're not running far enough yet.

I find my detachment time at about 5-6 miles. Then I can hit a rhythm that allows me to go for quite a while.

Also, running in the rain is great. It keeps you cooler an you can't tell the difference between your sweat and the weather. :)

Anonymous said...

so when is soon again? cause the be back thing has been up awhile now.... just sayin.

Antonious said...

I can understand your problem with running, especially indoors. I understand that there are some places where if you have the bucks to drop they have treadmills in what amounts to a personal IMAX theater. My thoughts are that you should remember how pissed off that ninja made you and work on imagining that he is in front of you just out of reach and focus on chasing him down.

Rahel said...

Whenever I run (for fun) I just really get into it. Have you ever had dreams of chasing down cute, small, furry, animals? ....No? Oh. Well, you really feel the thrill of the hunt. It makes you want to keep going till the very end, just so that you can taste the nice, juicy, rabbit meat..... Wait, are you still reading? ...Heh. Riiight. Imma stop now. n_n;

Raven Prometheus said...

I assume that you want to eventually reattach your brain, so you don't want to use psychotropics or violence, right?

Well, first off, speaking as someone who hates running but has to do it for work, the mental detachment really helps, when you achieve it. Music helps me. Get an mp3 player (or even an old walk/discman if you're old-school) and put something in that motivates you. It tends to be different for everyone. Me, the soundtracks of Gladiator (duh) and, surprisingly, The Last of the Mohicans gives me a bit of gitty-up.

Secondly, running on a treadmill is a whole different animal. It actually has a bit of a spring-back effect, making it slightly easier to go further, faster. So, unless you will be chasing ninjas on treadmills, it's better to practice for running outside by running outside. Enjoy the rain. It's nature's bounty. Just remember to wear something somewhat reflective and don't turn the music up to the point that you're clueless of your surroundings. The point is to tune out the pain, not oncoming traffic.

Anonymous said...

so is that a no, its not going to update anytime soon? or is the 'not a big fan of exercise' blog maybe gonna get more exciting than it has been thus far?

Hrimhari said...

As others said, running outside with other people is somewhat better.

On the treadmill, something I found to help is to vary the rhythm so that I'd do 1-minute sprints then "rest" for 1-2 minutes (run slower enough so that I could catch my breath before the next sprint).

You count the seconds during the sprint, but you welcome the rest, so time ends up passing faster ;)

Anonymous said...

i agree completely, its better to run with people. that way if you cross the path of a pack of rabid skinheads youll have someone to trip so you can get away. you dont have to outrun the bear ifn you can outrun your buddy, right?

so, about this comic updating or not, i mean if weve all caught our breath from the outrunnin the skinheads thing......

Jason Janicki said...

Thanks for all the running advice guys! I may have to try running outside, even if it's in the rain (I suppose I could wear a hat).

And Leigh has assured me that he'll get a definite updating date up soon, Anon. I realize that's the same 'soon' that I've been saying, but it all really depends on him drawing. If it helps, I've been chomping at the bit for an update as well :)

Buzzcook said...

If you kept marble eggs in your kitchen instead of marble Romans, you could have hurled them at the ninja.
No one runs as fast as a flying ovoid. And they look better next to the stove.

Mr.X said...

Where can I get a bust of Scipio Africanus for my home?

Jason Janicki said...

Very true. However, if I can get enough of an arm to throw a marble bust with any distance or force, best of both worlds :)

Dunno. I got mine at a flea market. A quick google search turned up nothing. I assume there has to be something out there, but my web-fu isn't up to it.