I had a very unusual thing happen to me last Monday. It only happens once every few years and I honestly didn’t expect it, but it was so strange and magical that I felt I had to share it with you all.
And no, the unusual thing wasn’t that a girl talked to me.
I got a good night’s sleep.
Yes, for me, this is weird, unusual, and downright bizarre. Normally, the first thing I do when the alarm sounds is swear, followed quickly by hitting the snooze button, with an option for more swearing. More likely than not, I will have a headache and I will wait until the last possible minute to get out of bed. I’m basically surly and pissed off for about an hour, but eventually I have some caffeine and can start to function.
This Monday was different though. When the alarm went off, I actually woke up. I was perfectly awake and actually felt good. My head didn’t hurt and I had this strange, almost overwhelming desire to jump out of bed and do something. And I did! I ate breakfast and my cereal tasted good! I even made a yummy noise.
I even paused when I went to my car to admire the grey, overcast sky. It was so lovely, like a giant, wet, gray blanket. I was so moved that I wrote a haiku.
Grey blanket of clouds
Melting with the gentle sun
Wow, this is so weird
Once I got to work, I marveled at the amazing colors and textures all around me. My neighbor has a fish tank and I’m sure I spent 20 minutes just watching the fish. He probably thought I was stoned.
Needless to say, I got an amazing amount of work done, came home, thoroughly enjoyed my dinner, exercised, got a bunch of writing done, and then turned in, happily contemplating a renewed me in the morning.
And, just to show that the gods hate me, I didn’t sleep, woke up cranky, and had my usual day.
I did not write any haikus.
So tell me, is this how people normally live? Is your world always bright? Is your soul filled with the laughter of children and the joyful bark of puppies? I’m just curious.
And tired. Very, very tired.
Cheers,
-Jason
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Bestest Blog Ever!
I woke up at about 3:30 this morning. This is fairly normal for me, as my body hates me and doesn’t actually want me to get any rest. An alternate theory is that the government is purposefully beaming Y-Rays (one better than X) at me in order to keep me tired and thus unable to take over the world. Please pick the theory you like best.
Anyway, as I lay there at 3:30, I had an idea for the bestest blog ever. It had a hilarious premise, a catchy title, and used the word ‘conflagration’ at least 3 times. It was so good I actually laid there giggling to myself, anticipating how staggeringly funny it would be.
And where is this blog of blogs you ask? This apex of amusement? This titan of t-something?
I don’t know. I forgot.
I really didn’t want to. I firmly told myself to remember what it was about so that I could then write it tonight. I even promised myself I would not forget. And yet, I did.
‘Well?’ I can hear you saying. ‘Why didn’t you write it down?’ I considered that, but the desk was so very far away and my bed was so very warm. I also can’t read my own handwriting. Seriously, it’s that bad. I don’t make shopping lists because when I get to the store, I have to have the clerks help decipher what I wrote. Last time that happened I came home with $50 in charcoal briquettes and I don’t even own a barbecue.
However, I promise the next time I have a great idea at 3:30am, I will endeavor to record it in some fashion. Perhaps some sort of pulley-system involving monkeys . . .
But for now, you’ll just have to make do with this blog about how I forgot the bestest blog ever.
Cheers,
-Jason
Anyway, as I lay there at 3:30, I had an idea for the bestest blog ever. It had a hilarious premise, a catchy title, and used the word ‘conflagration’ at least 3 times. It was so good I actually laid there giggling to myself, anticipating how staggeringly funny it would be.
And where is this blog of blogs you ask? This apex of amusement? This titan of t-something?
I don’t know. I forgot.
I really didn’t want to. I firmly told myself to remember what it was about so that I could then write it tonight. I even promised myself I would not forget. And yet, I did.
‘Well?’ I can hear you saying. ‘Why didn’t you write it down?’ I considered that, but the desk was so very far away and my bed was so very warm. I also can’t read my own handwriting. Seriously, it’s that bad. I don’t make shopping lists because when I get to the store, I have to have the clerks help decipher what I wrote. Last time that happened I came home with $50 in charcoal briquettes and I don’t even own a barbecue.
However, I promise the next time I have a great idea at 3:30am, I will endeavor to record it in some fashion. Perhaps some sort of pulley-system involving monkeys . . .
But for now, you’ll just have to make do with this blog about how I forgot the bestest blog ever.
Cheers,
-Jason
Thursday, September 24, 2009
My Body Hates Me
Last night, I didn't have insomnia.
Seriously.
I was out like a light. I was makin’ ‘Zs.’ I was (probably) snoring like a lactose intolerant were-boar who’d just eaten an entire pizza.
I would like to say it was marvelous, but I don’t recall any of it.
So, of course, my body decided that just wouldn’t do, so I awoke at 5:17 am with a full body cramp.
Literally, my entire body went ‘crap!’ and just knotted it up. Needless to say, I woke up. I actually had to get up and walk around for a bit until things loosened up. This, of course, woke me up even more, so I didn’t really fall back asleep before getting up at 7:15 to work out.
This has led me to one conclusion: my body hates me.
I don’t know why or how, but there you go. Maybe I mistreated it in the past. Maybe I forgot to buy it flowers on our anniversary. I dunno. All I do know is that it’s bound and determined to never let me actually get a full night’s sleep.
I guess I shouldn’t complain too much. Most of the blogs come from me staring at the ceiling at 3 am thinking about things like 'Mordor’s Idol,' which would be a talent show where orcs sang. Other orcs would vote by throwing things at them, like axes and severed heads.
Needless to say, I’m going to be early tonight.
Anyway, look for a new chunk of Art the Wanderer next Sunday and the usual silliness the rest of the week. And please vote! Often! With extreme prejudice!
Cheers,
-Jason
Seriously.
I was out like a light. I was makin’ ‘Zs.’ I was (probably) snoring like a lactose intolerant were-boar who’d just eaten an entire pizza.
I would like to say it was marvelous, but I don’t recall any of it.
So, of course, my body decided that just wouldn’t do, so I awoke at 5:17 am with a full body cramp.
Literally, my entire body went ‘crap!’ and just knotted it up. Needless to say, I woke up. I actually had to get up and walk around for a bit until things loosened up. This, of course, woke me up even more, so I didn’t really fall back asleep before getting up at 7:15 to work out.
This has led me to one conclusion: my body hates me.
I don’t know why or how, but there you go. Maybe I mistreated it in the past. Maybe I forgot to buy it flowers on our anniversary. I dunno. All I do know is that it’s bound and determined to never let me actually get a full night’s sleep.
I guess I shouldn’t complain too much. Most of the blogs come from me staring at the ceiling at 3 am thinking about things like 'Mordor’s Idol,' which would be a talent show where orcs sang. Other orcs would vote by throwing things at them, like axes and severed heads.
Needless to say, I’m going to be early tonight.
Anyway, look for a new chunk of Art the Wanderer next Sunday and the usual silliness the rest of the week. And please vote! Often! With extreme prejudice!
Cheers,
-Jason
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Insomnia Has No Rhymes
I have occasional bouts of insomnia. Last night was around an 8 out of a possible 10, so I had plenty of time to stare at the ceiling and wonder what it would be like to actually sleep.
Out of curiousity (or boredom, hard to tell) I kept a more-or-less accurate list of the things that went through my head. Here they are:
1:14 AM
My cat is either the dumbest creature in the world or the smartest. She will sit just out of reach and then want attention, forcing me to reach for her. She then darts away and does it again 10 minutes later. She’s either so dumb that she hasn’t yet figured out that I need to touch her to pet her or she’s running some sort of Pavlovian experiment to see just how much she can get away with. Either way, it’s been going on for 14 years now.
1:55 AM
To my knowledge, no movie has ever dealt with Godzilla pooping. Obviously, he must eat something, therefore he must also poop. It’s a mystery.
2:21 AM
I think I dozed off for a second. My cat chose that moment to jump on my chest.
2:51 AM
My neighbor has a diesel tow truck. He often arises in the middle of the night and drives away. Mayhap he is a super-hero with tow truck related powers. “My tow truck sense is tingling! There’s a car, a 1988 Honda Civic, and it’s stalled! To the tow truck!!!!”
3:07 AM
Insomnia sucks. Nothing rhymes with it. I think Steven King wrote a novel called Insomnia. Granted, he probably just picks up a dictionary, finds a word at random, and then writes something scary around that word. If I did that, I’d end up with a novel called ‘Isthmian’ about a haunted isthmus.
3:30 AM
I have an uninteresting ceiling.
3:36 AM
My ceiling is still uninteresting.
3:38 AM
I grow tired of looking at my ceiling.
3:40 AM
My ceiling is mocking me with its flat whiteness.
4:08 AM
I don’t actually know what an ‘isthmus’ is. I should look that up.
4:28 AM
I count the bars on the individual numbers on my digital clock. 1 has two bars. 2 has five. Interestingly enough, 4, 5, and 6 have the same number bars as the number they represent. This is an amazing revelation at 4:30 in the morning.
4:43 AM
I wonder if King Kong flings his poo? If he does, Skull Island would be really nasty. Why the hell is it called Skull Island? Oh yeah, there’s a giant mountain shaped like a skull. That makes sense and it sounds better than Clavicle Island. I wonder if it has an isthmus?
4:51 AM
I moved and now my cat wants attention. My Rogue just hit 60 and I need to go to Outlands and start working on my Skinning and Leatherworking. This is vitally important for reasons I cannot articulate.
5:00 AM – 7:00-ish
I think I was actually asleep. I’m honestly not sure. I was either awake and wondering if I was asleep or asleep and dreaming I was awake and wondering if I was asleep. I think I was mostly awake, as nothing was obviously melting and my cat wasn’t speaking French.
7:18 AM
‘Rutabaga’ would be a great name for a Steven King novel.
7:30 AM
I’m trying to remember what the colors in the Olympic rings are. I’m pretty sure there’s a black and a yellow, but I can’t remember the others. This seems really important for some reason.
7:30 AM to 9:15 AM-ish
I think I was honestly asleep here, as I don’t remember looking at the clock.
9:30 AM
Time to get up and get busy. If I’m lucky, I won’t nod off at the computer. Mothra is a funny name. I wonder if the tiny twins that accompany it sing when it poops.
Cheers,
-Jason
Out of curiousity (or boredom, hard to tell) I kept a more-or-less accurate list of the things that went through my head. Here they are:
1:14 AM
My cat is either the dumbest creature in the world or the smartest. She will sit just out of reach and then want attention, forcing me to reach for her. She then darts away and does it again 10 minutes later. She’s either so dumb that she hasn’t yet figured out that I need to touch her to pet her or she’s running some sort of Pavlovian experiment to see just how much she can get away with. Either way, it’s been going on for 14 years now.
1:55 AM
To my knowledge, no movie has ever dealt with Godzilla pooping. Obviously, he must eat something, therefore he must also poop. It’s a mystery.
2:21 AM
I think I dozed off for a second. My cat chose that moment to jump on my chest.
2:51 AM
My neighbor has a diesel tow truck. He often arises in the middle of the night and drives away. Mayhap he is a super-hero with tow truck related powers. “My tow truck sense is tingling! There’s a car, a 1988 Honda Civic, and it’s stalled! To the tow truck!!!!”
3:07 AM
Insomnia sucks. Nothing rhymes with it. I think Steven King wrote a novel called Insomnia. Granted, he probably just picks up a dictionary, finds a word at random, and then writes something scary around that word. If I did that, I’d end up with a novel called ‘Isthmian’ about a haunted isthmus.
3:30 AM
I have an uninteresting ceiling.
3:36 AM
My ceiling is still uninteresting.
3:38 AM
I grow tired of looking at my ceiling.
3:40 AM
My ceiling is mocking me with its flat whiteness.
4:08 AM
I don’t actually know what an ‘isthmus’ is. I should look that up.
4:28 AM
I count the bars on the individual numbers on my digital clock. 1 has two bars. 2 has five. Interestingly enough, 4, 5, and 6 have the same number bars as the number they represent. This is an amazing revelation at 4:30 in the morning.
4:43 AM
I wonder if King Kong flings his poo? If he does, Skull Island would be really nasty. Why the hell is it called Skull Island? Oh yeah, there’s a giant mountain shaped like a skull. That makes sense and it sounds better than Clavicle Island. I wonder if it has an isthmus?
4:51 AM
I moved and now my cat wants attention. My Rogue just hit 60 and I need to go to Outlands and start working on my Skinning and Leatherworking. This is vitally important for reasons I cannot articulate.
5:00 AM – 7:00-ish
I think I was actually asleep. I’m honestly not sure. I was either awake and wondering if I was asleep or asleep and dreaming I was awake and wondering if I was asleep. I think I was mostly awake, as nothing was obviously melting and my cat wasn’t speaking French.
7:18 AM
‘Rutabaga’ would be a great name for a Steven King novel.
7:30 AM
I’m trying to remember what the colors in the Olympic rings are. I’m pretty sure there’s a black and a yellow, but I can’t remember the others. This seems really important for some reason.
7:30 AM to 9:15 AM-ish
I think I was honestly asleep here, as I don’t remember looking at the clock.
9:30 AM
Time to get up and get busy. If I’m lucky, I won’t nod off at the computer. Mothra is a funny name. I wonder if the tiny twins that accompany it sing when it poops.
Cheers,
-Jason
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