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Leigh

A Brief History of Video Games: The Arcade Years: Part 2

Imagine 20 grimy 8-year-old kids clustered around a cocktail Pong machine in complete silence, staring. Two paddles, a ball and a dotted line held us transfixed. The appearance of nothing less than an actual, naked woman could have broken our concentration. I do not recall how long we stood there, but I think a few of us actually hit puberty. At some point, the fateful words were spoken.

Anybody got a quarter?

We watched with trepidation as two brave souls, adventurers even, sat down and played Pong. The game started. We dared not breathe as a white square bounced across the screen, making funny bloop noises whenever it hit anything. The game ended quickly (we sucked at Pong even worse than we sucked at soccer). The two players stared at each other. We stared at them. Other people quite possibly were staring at us.

All hell broke loose.

Tomorrow, the story continues!!!

A Brief History of Video Games: The Arcade Years: Part I

Once upon a time, there were no video games. I realize this comes as a great shock to many of you, but it is sadly true. Medieval peasants did not get phat lewt. Members of the court of Queen Elizabeth did not shout Ding! King Tut may have been cool, but he did not roxor.

So what did nerds do back then, in the proverbial (and literal) Dark Ages? I have no idea. It probably involved hard labor and dying from disease. But I digress.

There is debate over what was the first true video game. Some say it was OXO (or Noughts and Crosses), which was made in 1952. Some insist it was Tennis for Two, built in 1958. However, I have no knowledge of these games, so I we will leap ahead to 1972, when Pong was introduced.

The first time I saw a Pong game was in the mid-70s, when we went to a Round Table Pizza after a Youth Soccer Game. I am pretty sure we lost, as we sucked hard. However, the pain of our defeat was soon forgotten when somebody found a cocktail Pong machine in the back.

Tomorrow Part II: Revenge of Pong

Me Vs. Chocolate

So there I was, preparing to break a five-pound bar of chocolate with my head. Why? you might ask. Huh? is also an appropriate response.

It is not a long story. My friend Laura got a five-pound Hershey bar for her birthday. If you have never seen one, they are roughly the size of a computer keyboard and about 2 inches thick. I train in martial arts and she though it would be cool if I broke it. We discussed various ways to do this and settled on me breaking it with my head. I positioned Leigh and the chocolate, Beth, another friend, got the camera ready. I prepared.

The thing is I had no idea if I could do this. I train in kung-fu and we do not break boards, bricks, or anything else. We especially do not break things with our heads. I have no clue how dense or tough a five-pound bar of chocolate is and yet I am preparing to break it in front of all my friends.

There were three possibilities. I could break it. This is the optimal outcome. Ideally, I would look cool doing so. The second option is that I would fail to break it. This would be embarrassing, but I figured I could blame Leigh for not holding it right. The third, least desirable outcome would be that not only would I not break it, but I would knock myself out doing so. This would be bad, not only because of the embarrassment, but because I would have to kill all of my friends upon regaining consciousness so they could not tease me about it for the rest of my natural life.

I did a three-count. On three, I lunged. Head met chocolate. Physics happened. The chocolate bar smashed in a truly amazing way.

I was victorious.

The rest of the evening was uneventful, at least by comparison. We chatted and ate chocolate. I did something cool and did not have to murder my friends. It was all good.

Cheers,
-Jason

All Things Venomous Part 7

Some among you (all three people that actually read my blog), may be upset that I paint snakes as evil, face-biting maniacs with the morals of a presidential candidate. Let me set the record straight. Snakes are our friends. They help control rodent and pest populations and are a vital part of the ecosystem. Do not kill snakes if you can help it. The vast majorities are not venomous and are harmless. Respect them, give them their space, and let them go about their business.

Besides, statistically speaking, some of the people bitten by snakes are lawyers. That, in and of itself, is reason to let them be.

Some among you (all three people that actually read my blog), may be upset that I paint lawyers as being worthy of being bitten by snakes. Tough.

Cheers,
-Jason

All Things Venomous Part 6

Australia is a beautiful place. I have never been there, but the Travel Channel tells me it is. The Travel Channel never lies.

Australia is also the single most venomous place in the known universe. I am not kidding. Watch the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet. They always run those Top Ten lists (Top Ten Things That Will Eat You, Top Ten Things That Attack in the Night, Top Ten Things That Crawl Up Your Nose When You Are Sleeping). On any of the Most Poisonous lists, Australia has at least half of the animals.

Case in point: The Duck Billed Platypus is venomous. I am not kidding. The males have a spur on their hind leg which can deliver a painful sting. They use this sting to escape from predators and extort money from tourists. They have to, otherwise they cannot afford smokes.

Up next: the Conclusion!

The Forum is Up

Just a quick announcement to let you know that our forum is now up.

Just click on the button in the upper-right hand corner of the page to discuss Wayfarer's Moon to your heart's delight.

Have a pleasant Sunday.

Cheers,
-Jason