So there I was, preparing to break a five-pound bar of chocolate with my head. Why? you might ask. Huh? is also an appropriate response.
It is not a long story. My friend Laura got a five-pound Hershey bar for her birthday. If you have never seen one, they are roughly the size of a computer keyboard and about 2 inches thick. I train in martial arts and she though it would be cool if I broke it. We discussed various ways to do this and settled on me breaking it with my head. I positioned Leigh and the chocolate, Beth, another friend, got the camera ready. I prepared.
The thing is I had no idea if I could do this. I train in kung-fu and we do not break boards, bricks, or anything else. We especially do not break things with our heads. I have no clue how dense or tough a five-pound bar of chocolate is and yet I am preparing to break it in front of all my friends.
There were three possibilities. I could break it. This is the optimal outcome. Ideally, I would look cool doing so. The second option is that I would fail to break it. This would be embarrassing, but I figured I could blame Leigh for not holding it right. The third, least desirable outcome would be that not only would I not break it, but I would knock myself out doing so. This would be bad, not only because of the embarrassment, but because I would have to kill all of my friends upon regaining consciousness so they could not tease me about it for the rest of my natural life.
I did a three-count. On three, I lunged. Head met chocolate. Physics happened. The chocolate bar smashed in a truly amazing way.
I was victorious.
The rest of the evening was uneventful, at least by comparison. We chatted and ate chocolate. I did something cool and did not have to murder my friends. It was all good.
Cheers,
-Jason
