Snot

So, I was typing away this morning at work and while pausing to consider whether or not a Pink Ponysaur could defeat a Silver Snakeatops, I noticed that there was a humungous glob of . . . something stuck to my chest.

NOTE: Yes, a Pink Ponysaur could take a Silver Snakeatops. They not only have the power of Heart, but the power of a Thompson Submachine gun.

It was green and globby and rather voluminous. It looked like something that would come out of an orc’s nose. It wasn’t particularly dry, either, which made it all the more disturbing.

The question is, of course, where did it come from? I’m pretty sure it didn’t come out of me, as I think I would have remembered that. I mean, the sheer volume alone suggested that no mere human could have generated this thing. Honestly (and I’m not trying to be gross here), we’re talking slug-sized here.

And the other question is when did it get on me? I didn’t walk past any goats or horses or rabid hippos all weekend, so at what point did this thing land? Which brings up another question: how did I not notice when this thing made contact? And more importantly, how long had it been there?

Anyway, I cleaned it off with a couple paper towels (I would have preferred a flamethrower) and I deposited the hoodie directly into the washing machine once I got home, so hopefully it’s taken care of.

I quizzed the ninjas about it, but they denied any knowledge. I tend to believe them, as their tastes run more to swords and humorous flatulence devices.

This suggests I may have a new enemy, one who deals in slime and ichor. I had best be on my guard, lest I fall into another mucous-y ambush.

I’ll keep you updated.

Cheers,
-Jason